Letting the Last Word Go

So often, it can be tempting to go for the last word.  In a discussion that has any heat in it at all, having the last word can feel powerful to a certain degree.  There can be a sense of having had “more information” or “more insight” that allowed the last word in the first place.  In other words, having the last word can leave you feeling like you must’ve been right all along.  Here’s the thing, however; the best leaders don’t always have to have the last word.  Truly effective leaders ensure that their words have impact no matter where in the discussion they fall, so having the last word is no longer necessary.  In fact, I would suggest that being able to let the last word go is the mark of a truly effective leader.

To illustrate the point I want to invite you to think about a recent heated discussion you may have had.  It could have been in the professional context, or even in your personal life.  As the conversation progressed, as things got more and more heated, where did you notice your energy going?  My guess is that it was going towards “proving your point.”  Anytime you’re striving to prove your point, you inevitably will go for having the last word.  Something within you convinces you that you’ve got to have your words be the ones that people remember, and they’ll only remember what was last said.  This is very much a misnomer.  Those around you won’t simply remember the last thing said.  They will remember the things that are said with most conviction and most accuracy.  They will also remember the things that were said without words — they’ll remember the energy.

Bottom-line:  as a leader, if you want to be truly effective, it behooves you to get over the need to have the last word.  Avoid getting caught in the trap of having to convince others of your point.  Certainly, know what you want to say, and repeat it as necessary.  That being said, strengthen your leadership message  by being willing to let the last word go.  Let the conversation as a whole say more than whatever the last word was or wasn’t.  The last word, after all, is only one word.

Channeling the Pied Piper

You know you’re an effective leader when others feel compelled to follow you.  Heck, that’s inherent in the definition of leader — you can’t very well be leading if nobody’s following.  But how do you go about getting others to buy in to your message, whatever it might be?  How do you ensure others follow?

Well, the first thing to know is that it can’t be a forced thing.  If you’re forcing, threatening or otherwise coercing others to do your bidding, you’re not leading at all.  You’re bullying.  And leadership is not about bullying.  Instead, leadership is about “enrollment.”  You’ve got to be able to enroll — or engage others in your message, your mission.  You’ve got to be able to persuade and call gently.  And to help you in this aspect of leadership, here are a few things to remember:

1. If you want to enroll others, you have to be passionate.  And being passionate requires you to lead from your heart, not your head.
2. Compassion is a big aspect of leadership — people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care, goes the saying, and this is the heart of effective leadership.  Those who are compassionate, engage others more easily than those who are not.
3. People enroll in causes and messages which they intuitively know are rooted in truth and honesty.  so be honest — don’t try to slip anything under the radar.
4. You can’t be pig-headed.  Determined, yes.  But wall-like, no.  When you put walls up, when you don’t allow others their viewpoints, you shut things down.  People walk away.  They don’t enroll.
5. Play to your strengths.  Not everyone has the ability to be loud or dynamic, and not everyone should be.  What strength do you hold in terms of sharing your message?  Are you a gentle giant?  An eloquent speaker?  A creative writer?  Whatever your strengths are, play to those.  Augment those.  When you stand in your strength, others respond.

Bottom-line:  leadership requires you to enroll others in your cause.  That is the essential aspect of getting followers.  In order to enroll others, you’ve got know what you’re about, find the strongest way in which you can convey your passion, and then go out there and fully BE in that aspect of your leadership.  When you can be this enrolling, then you can lead most effectively.

You’re Talking; Are They Listening?

In order to be an effective leader, you’ve got to be able to get your message across.  This means that you can guage the effectiveness of your leadership muscle by how well others listen when you speak.  The really great leaders command an audience like nobody’s business.

Being able to command an audience doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ve got the dynamism of Martin Luther King Jr.. It does mean, however, that you’ve got an ability to be convincing and engaging at the same time.  There’s a way in which you open your mouth, and as if by magic, the mouths of those around you close even as their ears open.  And more than just their ears — their hearts and minds too, in an effort to take in what it is you have to say.

If, when you strive to speak, you see eyes glaze over or sense that minds are wondering, there’s a way that you’re not being as effective as you can.  You’re not getting your message across.  Once in a while, this has nothing to do with you; your listeners may well be occupied with other events in their lives — it happens.  If, however, this sort of occurrence is commonplace in your leadership experience, then it’s time to evaluate this.  Because in order to be an effective leader, you’ve got to get your message heard and understood.  Which means they’ve got to be listening.

So, how do you increase the odds of them listening?   Here are a few simple strategies:

1. Speak from the heart.  Know what’s important to you, the essence of what you want to say, and say it, without worrying about using polished words.
2. Make sure your audience is prepared to listen.  Don’t make an impassioned plea when their attention is elsewhere.
3. Model good listening yourself; in other words, if you want them to listen to you, be prepared to really listen to them.
4. Ensure that when you speak, it’s worth listening too.  Play around with the notion of speaking less and listening more.  In other words, create an environment where people know that when you speak, it’s because you’ve got something of value to convey.
5. Limit your props.  In this day and age of techno-gadgets and presentation crutches it can be easy to surround yourself with posters, slides, gadgets and gizmos.  Use only those that truly accentuate your message.  Otherwise, the message gets lost and people don’t listen.  Simple is best.

Bottom-line:  you know you’re a great leader when people listen when you speak.  So set the stage for having people truly listen, model effective listening yourself and watch your leadership soar.

Testing, Testing 123…

Okay, I know I already did a blog post today, but I’m testing a new feature with my wordpress, so I trust that you’ll indulge me.  By way of making this worth your while, I do want to offer you something of value.  So let me share a thought or two…

The holidays are fast approaching, and for many of you, I know you’re already feeling stressed.  I always find that disturbing, since I believe that the holidays aren’t meant to be stressful.  They’re meant to be a time of celebration, a time of rejoicing, a time of connecting.  No matter who you are or what faith you subscribe to or what traditions you hold, the holidays aren’t meant to send you into a state of nervous prostration.  So, in an effort to help alleviate some of the holiday nuttiness for you, here are some coping strategies that you might consider utilizing:

1. Ask yourself, what’s important about the holidays for you?  What do they represent?  Family? Feasting? Peace? Sharing?  Whatever your answer, use it to determine which activities you’ll engage in and which you won’t.
2. Carve out time to be still, even while you plan to carve the turkey (or whatever other festive meal is yours).  Stillness can be a wonderful refresher.  And sipping hot tea while watching the snow fall can be the ultimate stillness experience it.  Savour it.
3. Reconnect with your inner child.  Go out and make a snowman, snow angels or even just enjoy a snowy walk.  A snowy walk at nighttime can be especially magical.
4. Pick a holiday theme and plan your gift-giving around that.  For example, if you choose to focus on “family fun” , purchase board games as gifts for all.  Got classic literature on the brain?  Hit the bookstore and buy great books for one and all.  Feeling into the comfy-cozy? Pyjamas are a fabulous gift for young and old alike.  Picking a theme can minimize the shopping frenzy.
5. Remember:  traditions are valuable, but only if they matter to you and bring value and meaning to your life.  So, if having a big turkey dinner with all the fixin’s just isn’t your thing — if it gives you heart palpitations just to think of it — find another tradition that has more meaning and value for you.

Bottom-line:  the holidays, no matter what they are, are a fabulous time to celebrate and share.  But they’re only fabulous if you feel fabulous and enjoy the experience.  Do what you can to eliminate the stress and reclaim the spirit.  Make this a holiday to treasure.

Recognizing the Power of You

Yesterday I wrote about your ability to impact the energy around you.  As a human being, this is one of your super-powers, so to speak.  As a leader, this particular super-power is one which you can harness and use for incredible good.  Along the same lines, there is an incredible power that resides in you, that is felt simply in the way you show up.  I call this the power of being.  Everyone’s got and yet, as a leader, when you’re at your best, your power of being is capable of accomplishing so much, impacting so much, and you don’t have to say a thing.

As a powerful — as in effective, not dictatorial — leader, there’s a way that your message, your vision, your ideas are so well known and articulated, that those around you know what you’re about, what you want, whether you speak or not.  You don’t have to say a word, whether in reprimand, suggestion, or praise for people to understand where you’re at.  Not that you walk around as a mute; but rather that you don’t HAVE to speak; your presence speaks for itself.  This is an extension of the idea that you have the power to impact and shift the energy around you.  You actually have the power to convey your message energetically, silently, simply by virtue of the fact that everything you do, say and stand for is in alignment and congruence.  How cool is that?

Bottom-line:  as an effective leader, your very presence has power.  People around you know what you want and what you’re about without you every speaking a word.  Your carriage, your actions, your wishes — all of these are in alignment.  And so, your message speaks for itself, through your very power of being.

Shifting the Energy

So here’s the thing:  every single one of you exudes energy in some form.  And, you are impacted by the energy that others exude.  Energy is all around, you create it and you respond to it.  As a leader, it is particularly important for you to be aware of this.  Why?  Because knowing how your energy impacts those around you is vital to the effectiveness of your leadership.

“You know you’re an effective leader when the energy in a room shifts for the better when you walk in it.”  This is the first indicator of effective leadership that I listed in last week’s blog post about signs of effective leadership.  You may or may not be all that conscious of the energy you exude or create in the world.  And yet, I want to invite you to start paying attention.  What’s the impact you have on the space around you?  When you chair a meeting, how does your team respond?  When you walk into the office, what do you notice about how people respond?  Do they greet you positively?  Pretend they didn’t see you?  Cower in fear?  All of these responses are indicative of the energy you emit, and you can shift the energy so that the response — the impact — out there is positive.  As a leader, that’s what you’re looking for.

Bottom-line:  if the energy of the people around you goes flat, deflates, or decreases in anyway when you show up as a leader, you are likely not having the impact that best serves your leadership vision.  Increase your energy in a positive light, and you’ll increase the power of your leadership.  It’s a good thing.

You Know You’re a Great Leader When…

Came up with the idea of doing a “signs of a great leader” posting on a whim.  Seems like something fun to do, so that’s going to be the focus of today’s post.  So often, I notice individuals who have got the makings of a great leader — and have no idea.  And then I see others who are in leadership roles, but aren’t living up to their leadership potential.  So here’s a snapshot of indicators that are present in those who exemplify leadership moxie.

You know you’re a great leader — or have the makings of a great leader — when:

1. The energy in a room shifts for the better when you walk in it.
2. You don’t have to say a word in order for people to gravitate towards you.
3. Those around you listen when you speak.
4. People feel compelled to follow your example — or at least entertain your ideas for a time.
5. You don’t have to always have the last word.
6. You’re able to swallow your pride and ask for help.
7. You can see potential in others, and are able to push them or nudge them to achieve that potential.
8. You’re willing to take risks, willing to make mistakes, and willing to learn from them.
9. You know how to listen to others and entertain ideas other than your own.
10. You are totally able and willing to accept responsibility; you don’t put blame on others.
11. You’re able to hold the question, “how can I do this better?”
12. You share credit — it doesn’t have to be all about you.
13. You promote a team approach to whatever the task is at hand.
14. You model great self-care.
15. You understand that solutions often lie in relationships built, not tasks undertaken.
16. You’re willing to look outside of the box, as well as within it (sometimes the answer is there!)
17. You address issues on a case-by-case basis as needed, rather than implementing blanket rules and systems.
18. You recognize that any potential conflict holds the seed of opportunity.
19. You don’t shy away from challenge; you embrace it.
20. You’re willing to have fun and encourage others to do so.

There are other signs of great leadership too, no doubt about it.  In the coming weeks, I’ll take each of these indicators and extrapolate on them a bit.  My sense is that they can all be expanded on — and merit their own post in that.  Keep your eyes open!  We’ll round out this year with a whole bunch of ideas to take your leadership from good to great — this is going to be fun!

Why Leaders Need to Listen

“Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.” ~Epictetus

“No one ever listened themselves out of a job.” ~Calvin Coolidge

So often, when you think of leadership, you think of one who speaks.  Leaders, after all, are charged with sharing a message, whatever that may be, and convincing others to engage with that message.  While the effective conveying of messages are an important part of leadership, however, listening to others — hearing both what is being said verbally and what is being said energetically — trumps speaking every single time.

When you are in a leadership role, it can be very tempting to keep talking, to attempt to convince others of the rightness and the necessity of your particular stance and approach.  As a truly effective leaders, however, you must realize that you are surrounded by people — followers, support staff, assistants, and whoever else may be part of your entourage — whose thoughts and ideas are as important as yours.  Even when you don’t think they’re accurate in their assessment of a situation, it behooves you to pay attention, and really hear what they’re saying, so as to know whether your thoughts and ideas are in fact as accurate as you believe them to be.  In other words, listening to others allows you to have all the information before plowing ahead blindly.

Mastering the art of listening also goes a long way to securing the ‘buy-in” of the people around you.  Even if, in the end, you choose to go ahead with your own plan, when you first take the time to truly listen to what others have to say, you show those others that they are valued.  Everyone wants to feel valued, appreciated, and heard.  And listening requires you to acknowledge what is being said.  Simply allowing someone to speak, and then dismissing their words with some version of “yes, but…” doesn’t cut it.  That isn’t listening.  That is allowing speech; it’s not listening.  Being silent while they speak, then reflecting back what you heard, what you understood, and allowing further dialogue and clarification before bringing the conversation in another direction — that is listening.

The bottom-line is this:  you do not have to agree with everyone around you.  As a leader, your job is to filter through everyone’s insights — including yours — and determine a course of action that will serve the big picture.  The buck does, after all, stop with you.  That being said, however, if you’re going to be high-handed about it, if you’re going to consistently ignore the insights and input of those around you, your leadership will come to an end sooner than it otherwise might.  The ability to really listen is the hallmark of a great leader.

What Are You Willing to Risk?

Leadership inherently involves a certain amount of risk.  There’s the risk involved in putting forth an idea, in challenging the status quo (if that’s what you’re up to), in inviting others to follow, in taking a stance — these are all leadership actions and they all require risk to a certain degree.  The amount of risk you’re willing to engage in impacts the degree of success you’ll achieve.

When a problem arises — when you’re faced with a challenge — it behooves you to ask how much risk you’re willing to take on.  More importantly, what exactly are you willing to risk?  Are you willing to risk looking foolish?  Are  you willing to risk feeling someone’s anger?  Are you willing to risk being wrong?  Are you willing to risk losing a friendship, or a follower?  Knowing what you’re willing to risk allows you to push the boundaries in order to achieve a specific outcome.

Similarly, knowing what you’re NOT willing to risk allows you to know when to pull back.  When you are clear about your limit in terms of risk, you become clear on the actions you will and will not take and why you pull back when you do.  This knowledge allows you to make your choices with no regrets.  You may experience some frustration if you reach the limit of your risk-zone and change isn’t happening to your liking; and, at that point, you get to re-evaluate what you’re willing to risk and determine how much more energy you’re willing to expend for the cause, whatever it might be.

As a leader, whatever it is you’re striving to create, change or bring about in the world is made easier when you know what you’re willing to risk.   So hold the question as you navigate your leadership and give it a voice.  Know your risk-zone, know how much energy you’re willing to expend, re-evaluate from time to time, and make your choices accordingly.

Bottom-line:  when you know what you’re willing to risk, you can confidently make choices to bring your leadership vision to reality.

Building the Risk-Taking Muscle

How comfortable are you with making mistakes?  If you’re like most people, you’re probably not a big fan.  I mean, nobody really likes to get things wrong.  And yet, if you want to be an effective leader, you’ve got to be willing to risk making mistakes.  And more importantly, perhaps, you’ve got to be willing to learn from those mistakes.  When you’re unwilling to risk making mistakes, when you’re so hung up on getting things right and making things look good, inevitably you play small.  And real leaders, great leaders, the leaders who have impact do NOT play small.

What’s the big deal with mistakes?  Perhaps the better question is what’s the big deal with perfection?  So many people — including those of you who aspire to be leaders — aim for perfection.  And while perfection might be praise-worthy to some degree, getting things right, right out of the gate, denies you the opportunity to learn, stretch, grow and play your biggest game.  Leadership is all about playing as big as you possibly can, and showing up in this really big way requires you to risk getting it all wrong –and learning from that, so that as you continue to risk whatever it is you choose to risk, your learnings guide your choices.

Bottom-line:  if you want to lead, you’ve got to get comfortable with taking risks, making mistakes, getting things wrong so you can get things right.  You’ve got to expand your world — you’ve got to play a big game.  And to play the big game, you’ve got to build your risk-taking muscle.  Time to get working out!