Taking Anger Out For a Spin
Well, it happens. Anger, that is. For me, I find that anger can come up when I least expect it. Most of the time it feels totally justified. And other times, even as I feel the anger, I wonder why it’s there. What exactly is being triggered that has me feel anger in this particular situation.
One of the interesting things about anger — or at least, my anger (I don’t know if this is true for anyone else) — is that I can feel a simultaneous sense of fear when it arises. The fear feels a little like fear of judgment — will I be judged badly for feeling angry. Will someone think I’m petty for being angry about this? Does this anger make me an irrational person? Lots of self-deprecating stuff, admittedly.
As I realize this juxtaposition this morning, I’m curious about what would happen if I stepped past the fear a little, even in the face of anger, and just allowed the anger to be what it is. What if it doesn’t have to be a big ugly thing, so much as a real emotion? What would be possible if I could just name the anger and acknowledge it, then move on? Because right now what I often do, is try to ignore it, or defend it. Neither of which really serves — it sort of just keeps me in it. I have a feeling that naming it would actually have it dissipate sooner. Way sooner.
Bottom-line: anger happens. And when it does I could dance around it — that’s what I’ve done for a good part of my life. Or, I could start to dance WITH it, take it out for a spin, and then let it go. Methinks that’s a better option. Dancing with someone or something is always more fun that dancing around it. Time to get your groove on…
Good article with some good points. In Zen, I have learned to ‘sit’ with my anger in meditation and fully feel it. Although it can feel uncomfortable at first, it seems that it does dissipate quicker this way. I also find that journalling, writing poetry and playing/writing music helps with expressing strong emotions and letting them go.
Well put, Shyra. My experience — although I do forget from time to time! — is that being with anything always allows it to release its hold on us much quicker than when we try to avoid it, be it anger, sadness, grief, whatever. There’s a discipline required to “be with” something. And, it’s a discipline worth developing, no doubt about it. Thanks for sharing!