When Insecurity Sets In

Insecurity.  It’s that feeling that comes over you when you’re not sure of what you’re doing, when you feel like you haven’t got the answers, when it seems like others are privy to information that eludes you.  Sometimes, the insecurity stems from a real place or circumstance –  you actually don’t know what you’re doing, or you don’t have the information.  At other times, it’s a figment of your imagination — for whatever reason you’re minimizing what you are capable of and playing small.  In either case, the question for your leadership is this:  how are you dealing with the insecurity?  And how is your approach serving your leadership?

Often, I’ve seen leaders who are in the insecure space attempt to puff themselves up, pulling a “fake it till you make it” attitude, trying to convince themselves and others that they actually are fine.  If you’re using this approach, you may well be isolating yourself, striving to prove yourself without assistance in an effort to show exactly what you’re capable of.  What I know for sure is that this approach doesn’t work.  Instead, people usually see right through it, and the insecurity becomes magnified.  If you’re working so hard to hide what you don’t know, your efforts aren’t going into leadership, they’re going into pretending.  And if you’re pretending to lead, you’re not leading.

So what’s the solution? Acknowledge where you’re falling short, what you don’t know, what you need.  You know that there are people around you who can help.  You don’t have to make yourself less than them in anyway; instead, you need to access their expertise in order to enhance your own.  As a leader, there is something you bring to the table, no doubt about it.  And, you’re as human as the next person, which means — like it or not — you don’t know everything, you don’t have all the answers.  Utilize your team, the people surrounding you, to fill in the gaps that exist.  That’s why they’re part of your team.  Don’t allow insecurity to get the better of you, or have you believe that “asking for help is a sign of weakness.”  This is not true.  Real leaders, effective leaders, know how to ask for help graciously.  Real leaders don’t fake their leadership in anyway.  Real leaders lead by example, and that includes acknowledging what you don’t know and inviting others to support you in leading.

Bottom-line: even leaders have moments of insecurity.  The question is, what are you going to do about it?  If you’re really going to lead, you’ve got to learn to ask for help.

Adversity into Opportunity

There’s a fabulous story — a parable of sorts — told by Mary Sullivan.  In it, she likens human beings to carrots, eggs and coffee beans.  She notes that all three are subjected to boiling water — the equivalent of life experiences.  Carrots will turn to mush the longer they’re submerged.  Eggs, will turn hard on the inside.   Coffee beans, however, transform the water itself so that it becomes coffee — a tasty, warm beverage.  So here’s my question:  as a leader, do you look at your circumstances and make excuses? Or do you take what you’ve got and transform it?

Here’s the thing:  if you look at your circumstances and use those to constantly explain and excuse why things aren’t working, you’re an excuse-maker and not very effective as a leader.  You probably tell yourself that you’re simply explaining the reality of the situation.  And while on the surface this may seem true, there is another truth, which is this:  you’re not seeing past the “reality” of what is, to the “opportunity” that might be.  If, however, you’re able to look at challenges and notice the opportunity within, if you’re able to take lemons and make lemonade, if you’re able to use your skills to transform the supposed adversity into a situation that actually works for all concerned, then you’re in your leadership groove and truly leading.

So, how do you transform adversity into opportunity?  How do you avoid getting stuck in a constant analysis of what isn’t working, and shift yourself to the place of making things work?  Simply put, you hold the following question ALL THE TIME:  “What’s the opportunity here?”  And, you find people in your life who can work with you in the transformation process.  So, for  example, if you feel like you’ve been dealt an unfair hand, given team players who are less skilled than others, or find yourself confronted with “negative attitudes” ask yourself, what’s the opportunity here — what can I create?  If you feel like you’ve been thrown into the deep end of the pool with no life jacket, or if you’re surrounded by people with more experience and you’re feeling insecure, ask yourself, what’s the opportunity — what can I learn?  If you’re feeling misunderstood, like those around you don’t understand your vision, ask yourself, what’s the opportunity — how might I communicate?  When you look for the opportunity, you will find it.  And then, you’ve got to seize it.

Bottom-line:  your job as a leader is to transform situations and circumstances so that what appears to be filled with adversity actually reveals itself as an opportunity.  And if doing this on your own seems daunting, know this:  you are not on your own.  Real leaders — the most effective leaders — lead with support.  Find your support system, then transform adversity into opportunity.  That’s what makes the great ones great.

Want to be a Better Leader? Build Your Trust Muscle!

One of the things that I find challenging is when those in leadership roles attempt to micromanage everything.  What I know for sure is that the micromanagement gets in the way of effective leadership AND it comes from a lack of trust.  The whole “do it my way” or even “do it this way” mentality is rooted in a belief that as the leader, you’ve got the be-all and end-all answers to whatever challenge presents itself in the moment.  Here’s what I want you to know:

As a leader, you’re smart, you’re creative, you’ve got insight and wisdom, no doubt about it.  The solutions you are able to put forward may in fact be the best for a given circumstance.  And they might not be.  Believe it or not, others may have better ideas.  Even if they’re not better, even if they’re simply different, they might be as effective and when you refrain from imposing your ideas on your team of followers — when you allow them to use their best judgment to accomplish whatever needs to be done — you get stronger buy-in and long-term commitment to your cause, whatever it might be.  In other words, you have got to be willing to trust that your team — however large, however young, however diverse — can handle the job and get it done.

Will they sometimes get it wrong?  Yes.  Will anyone ever take advantage of the trust you place in them?  Maybe.  Will someone find a loophole that circumvents the system you put in place?  Possibly.  And all of those types of situations can be addressed — and need to be addressed — on a one-off, case-by-case manner, rather than instituting blanket systems rooted in a micromanagerial style.  If you’re dictating everything from when breaks are taken, how sick days may be used, what fonts must be used for memos, and the length of specific reports, you are NOT leading.  In the words of George S. Patton:  “Don’t tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with the results.”

Being in a leadership role can sometimes feel like you’ve got to know it all, show it all and prove it all.  In actual fact, however, the most effective leadership provides a frame, a frame based in trust, and then allows individuals to navigate their way within that frame in the way that’s right for them.  If you truly want to be an inspiring leader, an effective leader, a leader worthy of your salt, develop your trust muscle.  Trust yourself, trust others and stop micromanaging.

Stop For a Minute, Or Else…

So much to do, so little time.  You’re probably familiar with the phrase.  And as a leader — no matter the arena in which you lead — this phrase could well be your mantra.  I know.  I share the sentiment.  One of the things I’ve learned over the years, however, is that if you don’t insert some “stop moments” into the busy-ness that is your life, you will pay, in some way or another.  And usually, the cost to going non-stop isn’t worth the price, at least not when going non-stop is your modus operandi.

There’s a sense that as a leader you must model efficiency and productivity.   I would agree with this, however, efficiency and productivity goes down the drain when you don’t take the time to refuel and regroup.  In too many cases, you’re very likely flying through your day, not taking time to eat, trying to complete multiple projects at once and meet a myriad of deadlines.  While taking a 3-week vacation in the middle of this may in fact be unreasonable, there is still a way — and a need — to stop and regroup in such a way as to actually be the model you’re striving to be.  Here are some suggestions:

• remember, breaks don’t have to be long — 5 minutes can be more than adequate
• when you do take a break, be absolute about it — shut your computer off, leave the phone alone, close your door
• take a scenery break — get out of the office and sit on a sofa somewhere, with a warm beverage — and savour it
• turn your brain off — or at least, off of work; focus on something that gives your brain a change of pace
• your break isn’t about checking anything off your to-do list, so be sure that your focus for this time is rejuvenation
• take a quick walk, even if it’s just around the parking lot — the fresh air will do you good
• eat — something healthy, something to give you energy, and focus on what you’re eating while you do — savour it

One of the things I know for sure is that leaders have an obligation to model not only productivity and efficiency, but good self-care habits.  Self-care isn’t selfish in any way; self-care actually serves your ultimate objective, whatever it might be, and increases productivity in the long run.  Bottom-line:  learn to take the time.  Your body, your mind, your team will all thank you.  And you’ll achieve what you’re wanting with enough energy left to enjoy the feeling of success.

Leadership & The Way of Peace

Today I’m feeling called to recommend a book.  Not sure why; just looking at and wondering what would become possible if everyone — leaders in particular, whether business leaders, organization leaders, politicians or corporate executives read this book and applied it’s principles.  you see, personally, I believe that leaders have an obligation — a responsibility — to model a peaceful way of being.  Looking around at the world at large, I’m always amazed at the power of peace (sounds like a contradiction, however, it’s not!).  That being said, the way of peace is often misunderstood, particularly in the leadership context.  There can be a sense that choosing the peaceful approach is somehow weak and ineffective.  What I know for sure is that a peaceful approach actually requires strength — strength of character, strength of conviction, physical, emotional and mental strength — and whenever used diligently, peace is more than effective.

The Arbinger Institute’s book, The Anatomy of Peace, speaks to the power of peace, the implications of peace, and the path to peace.  A short, simple (as in simple-to-read) and powerful work, this book is a must read for leaders in all walks of life.  The Anatomy of Peace applies in all contexts — even speaking to the power of peace when you feel you must enter into conflict of sorts.  Yes, the two can co-exist and the Anatomy of Peace does a brilliant job of pointing to how the paradoxical peaceful approach to conflict is more effective than an approach rooted in a spirit of conflict.  Bottom-line:  it’s all about energy and this book illustrates brilliantly how peace is the way.

If you’re looking for a book to read (and even if you’re not!) I strongly encourage you to get your hands on a copy of this pivotal work.  The Anatomy of Peace will change the way you relate to others and the way you see the world.   And everyone will be better for it.

P.S. — if you haven’t yet done so, please send in a suggestion for the title of this blog — you could win a $10 Amazon gift card!  Context closes at 4 pm EST on the 24th of November — look forward to hearing your ideas!

Name That Blog!

So, today’s post is going to have a different flavour.  I’ve had my blog up and running for over a year now.  I’ve played with different forms of content, and different schedules for posting.  As it’s settled out, I find myself writing Monday through Friday for the most part, and generally on issues related to leadership and life balance.  Sometimes, I write about one or the other topic.  At other times, I write from a perspective that combines both of them (for me, they relate to one another — which is why I’m the “go-to-expert-on-life-balance for women leaders!”

While I’ve been perfecting my blogging skills and familarizing myself with the whole process, the one thing I’ve refrained from doing is coming up with a name for it.  In case you haven’t noticed, there is no official “title” for this blog.  And now I’m feeling like it’s time to have one.  I mean, I’m thinking that a year and a half is plenty long enough for anything to go without a name, you know?

So, that being said, I’m looking for some help — some feedback, some support, some suggestions.  If you could name this blog, what would you call it? Keep in mind that this blog is about leadership and life balance learnings and musings from my personal perspective.  When possible, I anchor my perspective in research, but it’s not intended to be a scholarly work.  Having read various posts — what do you think?  Knowing what I’m about, what blog  title do you think would be an accurate representation?  I would love to hear your thoughts!  And for sharing your thoughts, you could be rewarded!  That’s right, all suggestions will be entered into a draw for a $10 Amazon gift card — which means you could win a gift card, even if your entry doesn’t become the official blog title!  Just to be clear, I will pick the winning title based on creativity and resonance — how much it feels in alignment with what I’m striving to create — and the winner of the Amazon gift card will be drawn at random from all suggestions.

Bottom-line: send me your suggestions for blog titles!  It’s time this blog had a name other than “blog.”  When you send along an entry, your name will be entered into a draw for a $10 Amazon gift card.  Whether or not your entry is selected as the title, you could still be the winner of the gift card — how’s that for a win-win situation?  I don’t want to make this at all complicated, so here’s what you need to send in order to be entered:  your suggested blog title, your name and email address.  That’s it!  Feel free to send it to me direct at gail@stellarcc.com OR just post it here on the blog site.  Either way, it’ll get entered into the draw, and will never be shared with anyone else.  Contest closes at 4 p.m. EST on Wednesday, November 24th.  Get creative — and share your titles!

Want to be a Leader? Learn to Communicate Clearly

“Say what you mean, mean what you say, do what you say you’re going to do.”  I’m pretty sure Barbara Coloroso said this in one of her books.  It’s a learning that hearkens back to the days when I worked in childcare, but it sticks.  What I know for sure is that it has implication and relevance that goes way beyond just parenting or working with children.  Being able to share information clearly is an integral part of human interaction.  And it’s especially crucial to effective leadership.

Lately, I’ve noticed a tendency amongst leaders to shortchange themselves and their teams in the area of communication.  When this happens, there’s a way that unnecessary angst is created, trust is diminished and direction is lost.  In order to avoid these pitfalls, here are 10 tips for communicating clearly:

1. Don’t elaborate unnecessarily — make your point, then stop.
2. Don’t skimp on information — be detailed, but succinct.
3. Ensure that your words, tone and body language match.
4. Take time to determine whether you’ve been understood — don’t assume.
5. Make sure your message has landed. Just because you’ve spoken doesn’t mean that you’ve been heard.
6. Don’t avoid “unpleasant” conversations; deal with what needs to be dealt with NOW.
7. Avoid being the go-between in team disputes; empower your team to resolve situations on their own.
8. Don’t assume that you have all the information.
9. Know your information before you speak.
10. Be willing to ask questions.

Following these 10 tips will lead to clearer communication.  And don’t limit these tips to the speaking context; they apply to the written word as well.  Bottom-line:  if you want to lead effectively, you need to communicate clearly.

Effective Leaders Know How to Share

“If I don’t do it myself, it won’t be done properly.”  As a leader, if you subscribe to any version of this belief — the idea that it’s got to be done by you and you alone — then you are not leading effectively.  You are leading — probably holding a vision, moving towards a specific objective — but you are failing to recognize that success requires a team approach.  Ask anyone who’s made it big in any industry — even in individual sport — and you’ll discover that they’ve enlisted the help of others to get them to the pinnacle of their success.

This can seem counter-intuitive, I know.  If you hold a leadership position, then the buck stops with you, so-to-speak.  And that sort of responsibility can lead to a sense of needing to do everything yourself.  However, the most effective leadership strategy involves a shared approach to the task at hand.  There’s a willingness to inspire and empower others to support you in achieving the objective — and even a willingness to let them find their own approach to what needs to be done.  In other words, effective leaders do not micromanage.

If you’re a leader, and you’re feeling the weight of your role in any way, shape, or form, I would invite you to look at your approach to leadership.  Are you holding the responsibility solely on your shoulders?  If so, it’s time to start divesting yourself of the burden.  Because shared leadership is where it’s at.

Life Balance? Forget About It!

I know.  Sounds like a bizarre title for someone who’s the go-to-expert on life balance, eh?  But I’m not kidding.  I really do want you to forget all that you think you know about life balance.  Because what you know is what’s stopping you from actually having a sense of it.

You see, somewhere along the way the notion of balance got put forth and interpreted as “equality” — equality of time, taking your 24 hours and dividing it equally amongst home and work.  But let me tell you, that’s not balance.  That’s a recipe for disaster.  Why?  Because it’s not actually how life works.  Life is not about equality.  To paraphrase a favourite classroom mantra, “Balance in the context of life does not mean that all areas of life get equal time; instead balance means that all areas get the amount of time they need.”

So, what determines what areas of life need which amount of time?  It boils down to values  my friend.  Anyway you slice it, you’ve got to know your values, you’ve got to know what matters to you, you’ve got to know what you’re about and what you’re striving to create, and then you’ve got to allocate your time in such a way that at the end of the day, you can honestly say that you spent your time on the stuff that matters to you.  That’s life balance.

Bottom-line:  it you’re searching for balance, if you feel off-kilter, it means you’ve lost your sense of purpose; you’re probably trying to do what someone else believes is important for you.  Ditch what’s important to them and reclaim what’s important to you.  That’s the way to fill your life with true balance.

If you want to learn more, join me for one or all of the sessions in the Life Balance Luncheon Series!  1st session is tomorrow, 12 noon, the Lotus Centre, 140 Ann Street, London, ON.  $30 well spent!  Email me for deets gail@stellarcc.com.

Learning to Shine the Light

Believe it or not, you’ve got a metaphorical light that you’re shining all the time.  I’m not talking about your inner goodness here.  I’m talking about a flashlight of sorts, a lens that allows you to see things clearer.  Generally speaking, you shine the light outward — keeping your focus on where you’re headed and sometimes exploring what’s hidden in the dark corners.  Shining the light in this manner ensures that your path is always illuminated, at least enough that you can follow it.

What I know is that sometimes, however, you’ve also go to shine the light inward.  This can be a daunting process for some.  When you shine the light inward, you basically allow yourself to see what you’re wanting, what you’re fearing, how you’re pushing yourself and how you might be holding yourself back.  Shining the light inward gives very little room for illusion.  And yet, shining the light inward from time to time, is what allows you to then shine the light outward with a clearer sense of purpose and direction.

I often find that this time of year lends itself to introspection of this sort.  As the current year winds down and the new year prepares to dawn, I get to ask myself questions related to my dreams and desires, my choices, my actions.  I get to clarify what it is I want, and determine whether or not I’m committed to creating and achieving whatever that is.  As I get clearer in this way, the choices that I need to make become more apparent as I then shine my light outward.

Bottom-line:  no matter what your leadership purpose or vision, it behooves you to turn your light inward from time-to-time and be sure that what’s going on “inside” lines up with the paths you’re illuminating “outside.”  Introspection is a good thing.  And this time of year can provide the perfect opportunity for you to get clear.