What Can’t You Be With?
A couple of days ago, I was faced with the challenge of naming the thing or circumstance that I can’t be with. I realized fairly quickly that there are two things I can’t be with: lack of compassion, and injustice. Now admittedly, both of these circumstances are subject to interpretation; what I experience as unjust may seem totally fair to someone else, I get it. That doesn’t change the fact that, for me, when I’m faced with something that I experience as unjust, or when I am in the presence of someone who appears to be lacking in compassion, I bristle — and I want to turn tail and run.
So, for the past couple of days since that realization, I’ve been exploring how this circumstance, the circumstance of “can’t be with x” inhibits or otherwise holds me back from being all that I can. The question merits more consideration, however for now, what I’ve come to realize is that my inability to be with these things — injustice and lack of compassion — places me in the position of being unjust and lacking in compassion myself (at times, not always). There’s a way, when I witness someone behaving without compassion, that I boil over with anger, without taking the time to try to understand where he or she is coming from. It’s a knee-jerk sort-of response. Particularly when the perceived lack of compassion that I’m witnessing is directed at some member of a marginalized group of society. A similar emotion gets triggered when I witness injustice. And in either case, it makes me less of who I want to be and how I want to show up.
I guess what I’m wondering about is this: is this the case for everyone? When you find yourself in a situation, faced with something that you just can’t be with, do you become less than you could be? Do you shrink in any way? Or do you become “more” in some way, but still not ideal? Or have you found a way to acknowledge the trigger, and still be your very best self? My sense is that there is a way, and that I’m on the path to relearning what that is.
Bottom-line: I believe it’s important for each of us to know what it is that we can’t be with. Once you know that, then you can work at honing your ability to begin to be with that very thing, so that you can be the best of you in all situations. Because whatever it is that you can’t be with, I guarantee you that it’ll keep coming up. It’s the nature of the human experience. Those are my thoughts for this moment. On to be with the world at large.
Very interesting Gail,
I think we all notice these triggers at one point or another, maybe we do not overtly acknowledge them, but they do surface some how. After pondering, I know when I am faced with someone who is close-minded (not willing to see another point of view) and are arrogantly angry that another point-of-view may exist, I find myself withdrawing from that person. I do not become less open-minded myself, it actually ignites me to admit I know so little of it all, and yearning to learn more or understand other perspectives more. But I do withdraw from that person. I am not sure if it is the close-mindedness alone or a bit of the angry mentality that pushes me away, but I do see it happen. I respect people who are life-learners and whom do not think they have the corner market on the knowledge pool.
This is one I need to work on more myself.
Good though-provoking post – thank you.
Thanks for sharing Kimberly — I totally hear you about pulling away. That’s exactly what I do in an effort to not allow my “boiling over anger” to erupt. I guess what I’m playing with now is finding a way to express my disagreement from a place of the exact compassion that I’m wanting to see more of in the world. In other words, the question for me is, how can I be a model of the exact thing that I’m craving? More to think about…