Just Because You Say It’s So, Doesn’t Mean It Is

Two of the best gifts in my life are my children.  Everyday, I have the opportunity to be with them in all sorts of scenarios, witness their growth, help them solve problems, teach them, learn from them — it’s all awesome, amazing stuff.  Yes, even the challenging stuff (and there are a few of those moments each day too!)

One of the more recent discussions that has arisen in our house is around “fact” vs. “opinion”.  In school, both of my children are being provided with opportunity to learn about these concepts, and they’re having fun writing essays, persuasive letters, you get the idea.  And the learning carries over into the home environment.  We’ve had lots of opportunity to explore what’s an actual fact and what’s not.

You see, one of the things that my oldest in particular grapples with, is passing off an opinion as fact.  And he’s not the only one.  I see and hear all sorts of people everyday make statements of opinion, expressing them as if they are indisputable fact.  Things like, “those cookies suck”, “going to the gym is the best way to exercise”, or “you’ve got to go to see that movie — it’s the best”.  Each of these ideas, the way they are presented, implies a fact.  In actuality, however, they are statements of opinion.  I might think the cookies are awful, you might love the gingery snap.  You might love the gym, I might experience it as torture.  My friend might be a big fan of comedy films, whereas I prefer drama.  Any time a statement begins with “This is…”  or “this was…” or the like, it’s being presented as fact.  And trying to pass off opinion as fact, is a set-up for disagreement and even hurt feelings, every single time.

Don’t get me wrong; there are definitely indisputable facts in the world.  For example, “2 + 2 = 4″ is a fact.  “Canada is a country” is a fact.  “I am just over 5 feet tall” is a fact.  There is no need to even try and dispute these — they are absolute.  Whether or not a city is beautiful, a food is delicious, or a person is nice, however, can often be debated.  Each of these always boils down to an individual’s experience.  And so statements around these topics are better off made from the place of “In my opinion…”, “My experience of….”, or “I think…”.  This leaves room for someone else to have a different experience, and not question why.

Bottom-line:  when you make a statement, do a quick check and verify whether it’s fact or opinion first.  Passing off opinion as fact really doesn’t serve anyone or anything, in my opinion.  It’s simply a surefire way to set up a disagreement that doesn’t have to exist.  That’s where I’m at today.

What Can’t You Be With?

A couple of days ago, I was faced with the challenge of naming the thing or circumstance that I can’t be with.  I realized fairly quickly that there are two things I can’t be with:  lack of compassion, and injustice.  Now admittedly, both of these circumstances are subject to interpretation; what I experience as unjust may seem totally fair to someone else, I get it.  That doesn’t change the fact that, for me, when I’m faced with something that I experience as unjust, or when I am in the presence of someone who appears to be lacking in compassion, I bristle — and I want to turn tail and run.

So, for the past couple of days since that realization, I’ve been exploring how this circumstance, the circumstance of “can’t be with x” inhibits or otherwise holds me back from being all that I can.  The question merits more consideration, however for now, what I’ve come to realize is that my inability to be with these things — injustice and lack of compassion — places me in the position of being unjust and lacking in compassion myself (at times, not always).  There’s a way, when I witness someone behaving without compassion, that I boil over with anger, without taking the time to try to understand where he or she is coming from.  It’s a knee-jerk sort-of response.  Particularly when the perceived lack of compassion that I’m witnessing is directed at some member of a marginalized group of society.  A similar emotion gets triggered when I witness injustice.  And in either case, it makes me less of who I want to be and how I want to show up.

I guess what I’m wondering about is this:  is this the case for everyone?  When you find yourself in a situation, faced with something that you just can’t be with, do you become less than you could be?  Do you shrink in any way?  Or do you become “more” in some way, but still not ideal?  Or have you found a way to acknowledge the trigger, and still be your very best self?  My sense is that there is a way, and that I’m on the path to relearning what that is.

Bottom-line:  I believe it’s important for each of us to know what it is that we can’t be with.  Once you know that, then you can work at honing your ability to begin to be with that very thing, so that you can be the best of you in all situations.  Because whatever it is that you can’t be with, I guarantee you that it’ll keep coming up.  It’s the nature of the human experience.  Those are my thoughts for this moment.  On to be with the world at large.

Living Into Intention

One of the things I’ve been doing lately is a variation on weekly goal-setting.  In conjunction with the other members of my mastermind group, I begin each week by determining the quality of week I want to have, and the specific objectives I wish to accomplish.  Always, I frame these thoughts from the place of present-moment gratitude; in other words, my intention statements sound something like “This week, I am grateful for experiencing _______________ while accomplishing _____________.”  I find it a pretty good way to crystalize my intentions for the week.  It also allows me to stand in the place of accountability to myself and my mastermind partners.

Truthfully, setting the intentions, no matter how big or small, is rarely challenging.  I can usually come up with what it is I’m going for pretty darn quickly.  The challenge comes afterward — in actually bringing the intention into reality.  I know I’ve talked before about knowing which actions to take in order to manifest a desired outcome.  What’s coming to my attention this week, is more than the action.  What I’m realizing is that there’s a way to live into the intention — to breathe into it, and give it life that also gives the intention concrete form.  There’s something about this “living into” bit that’s far bigger than mere action-taking.  It’s as though intention and action feed one another in this place.  They go hand-in-hand and must be undertaken simultaneously.

Truthfully, I’m still playing and exploring this idea.  I’m noticing that as I take action towards a specific intention, the intention itself evolves a bit, thereby tweaking the action I take.  There’s nothing static about the process.  It’s a bit of a game, actually.

I guess the bottom-line in this moment is this:  if you’re going to set intention, be prepared to take action.  And once you take action, be prepared to revisit intention.  Hold and dance with the two together and watch magic happen.  That’s what living into intention is all about.

Persistent? Or Pig-Headed? Which One Are You?

Do you ever feel like you’re beating your head against a wall?  Like there’s something you’re supposed to be accomplishing — it’s part of your mission so-to-speak — but all of your efforts are in vain?  My guess is that you can truthfully relate to this experience.  Even if it’s not a current part of your circumstance, I’d be willing to bet that you know what it’s like to have the feeling of throwing your heart and soul into something, seemingly to no avail.  It happens.

Personally, I’ve had this feeling numerous times over the course of my life.  Sometimes, it’s not a big deal.  Other times, the feeling can be somewhat debilitating.  At all times, it’s frustrating to say the least.

Over the course of time, there are a few things I’ve learned that have allowed me to navigate these choppy waters, when I hit them, with more finesse than I used to.  Believe it or not, there’s a way to move past the sense of futility and into the space of purpose and accomplishment.  Here are a few of my learnings that are sure to support you in stopping the insanity (that’s what I call banging your head against the wall!):

1. Realize that  banging your head against the proverbial wall is a sign that something isn’t lining up.  Your idea might be right, but the path you’ve chosen might not.  So, find another path.  Or another idea.  Bottom-line:  tweak something.
2. Realize that there’s a difference between being persistent and being pig-headed.  Sometimes, it can be easy to confuse the two.  The former will actually lead to success.  The latter will only result in a metaphorical bruise or two.
3. Train yourself to step back and evaluate from time to time.  Taking a step back will allow you to see the bigger picture and determine if your persistence is paying off, if you need to turn up the dial on your efforts or if you need to try another approach.
4. Surround yourself with people who can see what you can’t.  Sometimes, when you’re standing in a place of laser focus, you can miss what others can see plainly.  Be willing to take the suggestions of others under advisement.
5. Understand that just because something seems futile in the moment, it doesn’t necessarily require you ditching the project altogether.  Sometimes it really is just about opening yourself to another facet of possibility, another way that the project might come to fruition.

Bottom-line:  while persistence might be necessary to success — a willingness to keep your eye on the ball even when things get tough — there’s a way in which it behooves you to always hold the question, “is everything lining up the way it’s supposed to?”  My sense is that, when things are seeming futile, one small tweak will get things back on track.  So be willing to hold the question, make the tweaks, and keep on keepin’ on.

Stop, Back Up, Get It Right

Ever play a game of solitaire? Yes, I’m talking about the computer card game.  I’ve got to tell you, it’s one of my favourites.  Sometimes, playing a game of solitaire clears the cobwebs from my brain even better than a cup of tea in the afternoon.  Seriously.  And, admittedly, sometimes it’s just a bit of a distraction.  I can usually tell the difference, however, and choose appropriately when and when not to play a hand or two.

Anyhow, the last time I was playing, it seemed that there were no more moves for me to make, and therefore no possible options that would allow me to win the game.  Looking closer, however, it occurred to me that I could backtrack a bit.  I could pull down some cards that I had put up, thereby creating some options to shift things around and open up new card faces.  And, I could possibly win as a result.  Now, when I pull cards down that have already been put up, I lose points.  So really, I’m taking a risk every time I do this action, because I don’t know what I’m going to be able to turn up in the next round.  In other words, the choice to back up might not serve.  But I won’t know, unless I try.

I guess what I’m realizing is this.  Too often, there’s a way in which we tell ourselves that once a move is made — regardless of the context –  it can’t be corrected.  And while there may in fact be a point of no return, so to speak, often that point is a lot further along the path than we realize.  And until you reach that point, you actually can stop, back up and correct your course of action.  Granted, you’re taking a risk.  You might not be able to correct it the way you want to correct it.  And, you just might.  You won’t know, however, unless you take that risk.

Bottom-line:  wherever you’re at on your path — the path of today’s work, the path of your life’s work, or something in between, when you feel like you’ve made a mistake, you’ve likely got the option to back up and get things right.  You’ve just got to be willing to take the risk, rather than moving blindly forward until you reach the definitive point of no return.  Keep your eyes open, correct as you go and sooner or later you’ll get it right.  It’s a certainty.

A Change is as Good as a Rest

So goes the cliche.  And I’ve got to tell you, so far, I’m definitely seeing the wisdom in the phrase.  Being a solopreneur — heck, being a human being — it can be really easy to settle into a routine, a comfortable rhythm that feels familiar and easy.  After a while, however, that same comfortable rhythm starts to feel tiresome and lack-lustre.  Which is not comfortable at all.  These are the moments to implement a change.

Change does not have to be huge or drastic.  Change can be as simple as turning to face the opposite window, working from a different space in your office, working from a different office, altering your schedule or trying a new flavour of coffee (assuming you’re a coffee drinker!).  Even simple changes such as these can awaken a new spirit and new ideas in what might otherwise seem humdrum.

Holding a leadership role requires you to look for opportunities to mix it up once in a while.  Implementing small changes helps to keep things fresh — helps to keep your energy from stagnating.

So here’s a challenge for the rest of this week.  Everyday, find at least one thing to change.  One small thing that you can alter even just a little bit.  Go ahead; mix it up.  It’ll ensure you stay out of a rut and find your groove (which is a very different thing).

It’s Your Life; What’s Your Story?

Okay, so now I’m going to engage in a bit of self-promotion.  I don’t usually do that in this blog; my preference is to have this be a place where I share information, thoughts and ideas that come to me in moments of inspiration.  Today, however, in this moment, the inspiration is pushing me to promo one of my latest offerings.

“It’s Your Life; What’s Your Story?” is an ebook that’s been in the works for a while now.  For many years I’ve been challenging loyal followers (and sometimes complete strangers!) to evaluate their lives using the following question as a guage — “True success is achieved when your life is lived on your terms; whose life are YOU living?”

Having people realize the importance of actively living and designing their own life, even as they accept that there are circumstances beyond their control, often resulted in questions being asked of me.  How do I live my life?  What are the important things to consider? How do I choose which relationships to nurture?  Questions of this sort are what has led to the creation of this ebook.  All of these questions and many more are answered.  And in addition to the easy-to-read content, there are questions and exercises designed to anchor your learning so that you really can start to live life on your terms.

So, here’s my invitation to you.  Surf on over to www.stellarcc.com/products and purchase your copy of this ebook today.  It’s reasonably priced and chock-full of life-altering content.  You will not be disappointed.  And after you’ve purchased your copy, invite your friends and family to do the same!  I’m aiming to have the message of this ebook circumnavigate the globe at lightning speed!

Thanks for your support — and for indulging me in reading this different flavour of blog post!

Leaders Don’t Always Know

“I already know that.”  This is a common response that I hear in numerous contexts.  Whether it’s from children who despair over the reminder instructions from teachers and parents, or devoted self-help readers who roll their eyes over an exercise that they’ve already done to no avail, the statement “I already know” comes up quite a bit.  Heck, I’ve been known to use it myself.  Because, let’s face it, I know a lot (said with tongue in cheek!!).

Knowledge is what you acquire through the process of living and learning.  As you get older, you learn a lot and therefore you know a lot.  That being said, there really is a difference between knowing something theoretically — being familiar with a concept or notion — and knowing that same thing practically.   So often, when you say “I know that” what you really mean is, “I’ve heard this before and I don’t want to hear it again” — but you don’t actually KNOW the experience.

Why am I making this distinction?  Because I think there’s a way in which it can be really easy to let the illusion of knowledge prevent you from actually knowing something.  When you utter the words, “I already know that” you shut yourself off from the potential of re-learning something, or learning it from a fresh perspective, or (and perhaps this is most important) taking your learning from the realm of the theoretical to the experience of the practical.  In other words, telling yourself and the world around you that you know something may actually be stopping you from moving forward as quickly as you could, because you’re not really learning and, by extension, not truly knowing — instead, you’re just acquiring information, which is not the same thing.

So, what would happen if you and I approached the world and it’s myriad of experiences from the place of “I don’t know?”  What would become possible?  What fresh new perspectives and insights would we be privy to?  What light bulb moments would we experience?  My guess is that, if you and I could let go of the statement “I already know” and replace it with “I don’t know” there’s a whole lot that would open up for us.  And we’d actually move ahead towards our goals faster than we currently are.

T. Harv Eker, author of “Secrets of the Millionaire Mind” says that there’s one way to know for sure whether you actually know something or not:  “If you live it, you know it.  Otherwise, you heard about it, you read about it, or you talk about it, but you don’t know it.”  In other words, if your life as you’re living it reflects your knowledge, then you know it — really know it.  Otherwise, you really don’t — and so you need to find a way to KNOW it.

Bottom-line: being a leader requires you to understand that while there’s a lot that you do know, there really is a lot that you don’t.  The very fact that you’re pursuing something means that there’s something you don’t know.  So open yourself up to learning, approach life from the place of NOT knowing, and watch possibilities unfold.

Another New Start

I’ve been contemplating what to write about in today’s blog.  It’s been over a week since my last entry; the last week was spent tweaking and developing content for my brand-new website.  It’s been in development for a few weeks now, and for even longer than that in my mind.  The end-result is exactly what I was looking for, and if you haven’t yet checked it out, I invite you to do so now — go on, surf on over to www.stellarcc.com and check out the new look and feel!  I’d love to have your feedback as well, if you’re so inclined to provide it.  While I’m feeling pretty proud of the final product, I’m absolutely open to hearing what your thoughts and impressions are.

I guess the website is one aspect of the “new start” energy that I’m feeling right now.  September has officially arrived, as has the start of school — a return to routine, however hectic it might be compared to the lazy, hazy days of summer.  This, of course, is another facet of the “new start” energy.  And it doesn’t stop there.

I’ve joined a brand new networking group — a group that’s already resulted in some valuable contacts and productive meetings.  And I’ve started a new aspect to my coaching practice, working as the resident life-coach in a community of holistic wellness practitioners.  It feels great to be part of a community again, having been fairly independent for many years now.  The community doesn’t take away from my independence in any way; it does, however, afford me the opportunity to connect and engage with like-minded professionals, and expand my professional reach.  Which is a very good thing.

I guess when it comes right down to it, what I’m realizing is that leadership is ever-evolving.  Even while you might have a clear vision, a sense of who you are and what you’re up to in the world, how this gets played out is always morphing to fit whatever it is that’s needed in the space.  I’m learning that my job as leader is to keep my radar on high alert, always reading the energy to figure out as best I can what exactly is needed, and then respond to meet that need in the best way I possibly can.

Bottom-line:  while fresh starts are happening all the time, when it comes right down to it, these starts are just part of the whole picture — they aren’t really stand-alone experiences.  What fresh starts are you engaged in?