Say What You Need to Say … And Nothing More

This post is based on a learning from this morning.  Or at least a concrete experience of a learning that I had a while ago.

Let me begin by saying that  I am a really honest person.  My brother says that I’m honest to a fault.  And I’m beginning to see what he means by that.  My philosophy has always been to tell the whole truth — the good, the bad, the ugly — and deal with the consequences.  And oftentimes, the consequences were far harder to be with than any particular truth, no matter how bad or ugly (the good truths are rarely hard to be with).

Recently, I made a decision about how I wanted to move forward in my life.  Along with the decision, came certain courses of action.  Some people cheered my choices, others thought they were foolish (not that I told many people, but I did tell a few).  What I realized is that my choices won’t always meet with unanimous approval or understanding or acceptance.  Judgments abound, and I don’t like judgments.

Now came the hard part.  As someone who’s honest to a fault, my natural inclination is to share every detail of every choice I make, with everybody involved.  What I’m realizing is that I actually don’t have to do that.  I can absolutely be honest (e.g., “I have to make this choice at this time”), however, I do not have to be an open book; I can leave specifics (e.g., the reason for my choice) out of the story and still get the fundamental part of my truth across.  What’s the advantage?  Well, so far what I’m experiencing is that when I can leave the details out, I can avoid having to deal with unsavoury judgments.

There’s a voice in my head that says I’m letting myself off the hook here; my guess is that it’s the same voice that has convinced me that anything less than the whole truth is a lie.  What I know now, however, is that the essential part of the truth — the core message — is what really matters.  Details can and do flesh things out, provide context and even insight.  And sometimes, those very details can be too much information.

Bottom-line:  I guess I’m realizing that I can be a person of integrity, without having my life be an open book.  Integrity is about sharing what needs to be shared, what serves the whole picture.  That’s what I’m going to play with for the next little bit.  Always tell the truth, and not necessarily all that I know.  (I think Maya Angelou said something to this effect once…smart woman she is )