Effective Leadership and The Secret

Several years ago, the movie “The Secret” was released and the self-help world hasn’t been the same since.  Some loved the movie and the concepts it put forth; some hated it; very few were unaffected.  I myself was resistant to watching the movie for the longest time, primarily because the title didn’t resonate with me.  From all I had heard, it seemed like a misrepresentation — there was nothing secretive at all about the content, as far as I could tell.  Packaging it as “The Secret”, however, was a brilliant marketing move.  After all, who doesn’t want to be privy to a secret?

All that being said, I did eventually watch it.  I’ll even admit that I bought a copy of the movie for my own periodic reference.  And, having watched the movie several times, here’s something I want you to know:  “The Secret” as presented is incomplete.  That is what I find most frustrating about the package.  A critical element has been left out, and as a result, many people are no further ahead in the manifestation and achievement of their dreams and goals.  “Ask, Believe, Receive” is put forth as the general sequence required for one to bring dreams into reality; however, these three steps alone will not work without one critical piece — action.

“Asking” and “Believing”, when combined, can essentially be equated to visualization.  Based on the sequence as presented in “The Secret”,once you ask and believe, receiving should come about naturally. There needs to be an element of action, however, that follows the asking and believing — simply visualizing is not enough.  Dreams do not become reality as a result of staring at a picture.  Period.

So, what are the implications for leadership?  As a leader, you’ve got a vision, I guarantee it.  There’s something you’ve got your heart set on creating, achieving, doing.  Taking time each day to visualizing that thing, whatever it is — see it, imagine the details — is essential.  And, equally essential is taking some action towards the achievement of that goal.  The action doesn’t have to be monumental; it can in fact be small in comparison.  But it does need to be taken.  Examples of small, but definite actions include:

1. share your dream with someone — tell people what you’re striving for
2. do some research
3. develop a plan (business plan, 3-year plan, building plan)
4. connect with people who can support you

These are simple examples of small but concrete actions.  Taking action that directly relates to whatever it is you’re striving to create is what will bring your dream to reality in the end.

Bottom-line: visualization is good.  You need to visualize because you need to know what you’re striving for.  So go ahead, ASK for something and BELIEVE that you’ll get it.  Before you can actually RECEIVE what you’re asking for, however, you’re going to have to take some ACTION.  Action always preceded the actual receiving.  That, my friends, is the real secret.

Time to Bite the Bullet

“We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal, and then leap in the dark to our success.”  ~Henry David Thoreau

For the past few weeks — heck, it’s probably been closer to a month — I’ve been playing with an idea.  I think it’s a pretty good idea, another path for moving forward to the creation of something good in the world.  If I’m going to be honest, I’ve had a couple of ideas that I’ve been playing with and exploring, but this one idea is the one that’s top-of-mind today.

As I’ve sat with the idea, I’ve looked at it’s merits and flaws from every possible angle.  I’ve shared my potential plans with one or two people I trust, seeking their perspective into how this might or might not serve the bigger picture.  My sense as I write this blog post this morning is that I’ve got answers to virtually every question I can possibly think of, and the few questions that remain can get answered as I move forward, however I choose to move forward.  And therein lies the kicker.

Using Thoreau’s quote above as a descriptor of where I’m at, my sense is that it’s time for me to leap.  I’ve been very conscious and deliberate up until this moment, and I think that’s a good thing.  I don’t believe that there’s anything I’m consciously overlooking — and I am aware that there are some things I don’t know.  These “unknowns” are what could hold me back from what otherwise seems like a good move.  And, I’ve decided that I’m not going to hold myself back.  I’m going to leap — and so I sent off an email to the person involved, to let her know that I’d like to move ahead.  The ball’s in her court now; I’ve made my leap.  (I promise I’ll let you in on the details of the leap once I hear what her decision is   ).

One of the things I know for sure is that when one wears the mantle of leadership, this sort of scenario — the scenario whereby one finds herself at the point of leaping, but still unsure of some answers — is all too common.  You see, you can’t always have all the answers, as much as you would like to.  And my sense is that this where you get to walk that fine line of knowing as much as you can, and then taking a chance.  That’s what leadership is all about.  Sometimes, you’ve got to leap into the unknown.  Due diligence is required — to a point.  Then you’ve got to take a risk.

Bottom-line: if you wait until you have all the answers, you’ll wait forever.  Because you cannot have all of the answers, I’m not even sure if you can have most of the answers.  I do know that you can have some of the answers.  And then you’ve just got to do what feels right, and adjust your course of action as necessary, when necessary, from thereon in.

Say What You Need to Say … And Nothing More

This post is based on a learning from this morning.  Or at least a concrete experience of a learning that I had a while ago.

Let me begin by saying that  I am a really honest person.  My brother says that I’m honest to a fault.  And I’m beginning to see what he means by that.  My philosophy has always been to tell the whole truth — the good, the bad, the ugly — and deal with the consequences.  And oftentimes, the consequences were far harder to be with than any particular truth, no matter how bad or ugly (the good truths are rarely hard to be with).

Recently, I made a decision about how I wanted to move forward in my life.  Along with the decision, came certain courses of action.  Some people cheered my choices, others thought they were foolish (not that I told many people, but I did tell a few).  What I realized is that my choices won’t always meet with unanimous approval or understanding or acceptance.  Judgments abound, and I don’t like judgments.

Now came the hard part.  As someone who’s honest to a fault, my natural inclination is to share every detail of every choice I make, with everybody involved.  What I’m realizing is that I actually don’t have to do that.  I can absolutely be honest (e.g., “I have to make this choice at this time”), however, I do not have to be an open book; I can leave specifics (e.g., the reason for my choice) out of the story and still get the fundamental part of my truth across.  What’s the advantage?  Well, so far what I’m experiencing is that when I can leave the details out, I can avoid having to deal with unsavoury judgments.

There’s a voice in my head that says I’m letting myself off the hook here; my guess is that it’s the same voice that has convinced me that anything less than the whole truth is a lie.  What I know now, however, is that the essential part of the truth — the core message — is what really matters.  Details can and do flesh things out, provide context and even insight.  And sometimes, those very details can be too much information.

Bottom-line:  I guess I’m realizing that I can be a person of integrity, without having my life be an open book.  Integrity is about sharing what needs to be shared, what serves the whole picture.  That’s what I’m going to play with for the next little bit.  Always tell the truth, and not necessarily all that I know.  (I think Maya Angelou said something to this effect once…smart woman she is )

The Opportunity to Walk My Talk

The week ahead is going to be a weird one for me.  Technically, I’m at work all week; I’ve got projects, meetings, clients — all that normal work stuff to attend to.  However, my husband — who’s usually home and available to assist with childcare issues — is away at his annual week-long union meeting  — his one-and-only work commitment of the summer — until the school year begins again.

In the past, I’ve generally chosen to take this week off in it’s entirety.  The kids and I have hung out, played games, watched movies, had fun — all good stuff.  This year, I’m going to engage in some of that.  But because I sit on a couple of community Boards of Directors, as luck would have it, this is the week where they’re all meeting.  And I don’t feel like I can bail.  So, I’m going to be juggling things a bit.

Why am I writing about this?  Well, it feels to me like this week is providing me a brilliant opportunity to walk my talk.  As I look to the week ahead, I’m aware of all that needs to get accomplished — all that I’d like to accomplish — both on a professional and personal level.  And let me tell you, there’s a LOT I’d like to accomplish.  My general life philosophy, however, is all about balance — balance in the sense of honouring the values that are most important to me, as opposed to dividing my time equally.  And this week brings many of these values into competition with one another, more often than not.  So what I’m realizing, is that I’m going to have a myriad of moments where I get to model the skill of consciously choosing what to honour, and then allowing my choice to be perfect.  This is going to be fun.

What I know for sure is that I’m engaged in walking my talk — or at least doing my best to do so — every moment of every day.  Some situations bring the whole walking-your-talk thing into the spotlight.  As a leader, knowing when this spotlight is on, and taking advantage of the spotlight as an opportunity to hone your skill is a good thing.  So here’s my question of you today:  do you know what your talk is?  Are you walking it?  And if not, what will it take for you to do so?  Happy pondering!  More another time

There’s Connecting, and Then There’s CONNECTING

We live in an electronically-connected age.  Overall, I don’t mind it.  Today, I can chat with relatives in India so much more conveniently than was possible while I was growing up.  Between cell phones, skype, Blackberry devices and other gadgets, “connecting” with others just doesn’t seem to be as big a deal as it was a couple of decades ago.  And yet, as I look around, I can’t help but feel that we’re creating an illusion of connection, without cementing relationships with REAL connection.

There’s a commercial that I’ve seen a few times on television lately.  It’s a commercial I love, not because of what it’s advertising (RV’s — my husband so wants me to give RVing a try, and I just can’t see it), but because of the poignancy of their tagline.  “Never confuse the devices that connect us, with the experiences that bring us together.”  This sums up for me, the essence of the challenge that society has created in the last few years.

You see, there are so many ways for people to connect nowadays.  That being said, these myriad of electronic connections just aren’t the same as the real, human interaction connections.  Nothing beats a voice conversation, particularly in-person.  Being in someone’s presence brings you together in a way that just can’t be duplicated over a computer connection.  The gadgets can come close, and they cannot substitute.

In conducting a survey of women leaders last year, one of the discoveries I made is that women leaders, by and large, regardless of their specific title, often feel a sense of disconnect.  As I look around me, I realize that this sense of disconnect extends beyond positions of leadership — it’s actually fairly pervasive, societally-speaking.  This disconnect covers business contexts as well as personal.  And it’s totally resolvable.  It simply requires you to actually connect, rather than virtually connect.

So I’m issuing a challenge, to you as well as to myself.  Do a quick scan of your week and take stock of how often you are scheduled to truly engage and connect with others.  Visits, face-to-face meetings, meals together — these all count.  However many are already scheduled, add 5 more opportunities.  Then, when you’re in these situations, ensure that you really stay connected and engaged.  Disengage from the electronics and engage with the human beings.  Notice what shifts.  What becomes possible.  What changes.

I’ve got a feeling that if each of us could consciously engage and really connect with the world, we’d feel more alive, more grounded, more positive.  It’s not something I’ve tested out scientifically, however I’ve got a hunch.  And I suspect that good things come from really CONNECTING.

Take a Deep Breath, and BEGIN AGAIN

So, when I first started writing this blog post, my content was going to revolve around dealing with the myriad of ideas that flow my way on any given day.  It seemed like  a suitable subject; the last few weeks I’ve found myself to be inundated with a whack of ideas — a never-flowing stream of ideas — and determining what to entertain has felt challenging.  So I started — and finished — writing that post, and hit “PUBLISH”, only to realize that while I was typing, without my cluing in, my internet connection had been lost.  Which meant that my entire blog post, which I assumed was being automatically saved as I typed (which is what usually happens), was lost.  Gone.  May as well not have been entered at all.  Very, very frustrating.

What I realized, once I got over my initial frustration, was that this sort of thing happens.  Sometimes, it looks like my experience did — you lose something you thought you had.  Or, you can’t find it.  Or in other variations of the theme,  a client you were counting on decides to go elsewhere.  Or something you wanted to buy is out of stock when you get to the store.  Plans you were looking forward to fall through.  Life is filled with supposed set-backs, curve balls, surprises.  However you frame it, these things can throw you off, at least momentarily.  The question is, what do you do with that experience?

Well, it feels to me like I’m learning and relearning this lesson a lot.  Which I’m guessing is a good thing.  At the very least, it allows me to pass my learnings on to you.  In this context, I could easily have decided that the universe didn’t want me to write a post today, and let it go.  I think it would have been a valid course of action, and I could have moved on to other items on my to-do list.  Alternatively, I could have thrown in the towel and decided that I should just go back to bed and take the day off.   A little extreme possibly, but still an option.  Thirdly, I could have tried to recreate the original article; indeed I did try that for about 2 minutes, but when the frustration got to be unbearable, I let that idea go too.  What I did choose to do in the end, was take a deep breath (actually, 5-10 deep breaths), and start again.  As I allowed myself to entertain the idea of starting fresh, as I let go of the need to rewrite what I had written the first time, new ideas and possibilities opened up.  I felt my anxiety dissipate, and found that I could move on.  It wasn’t in the direction that I originally anticipated, and it was okay.  It was more than okay.  It got me unstuck.

Bottom-line:  having to begin again can feel ridiculously frustrating.  My sense is that when you allow yourself to take a deep breath first, and then begin again, what you’re actually doing is clearing the space for new stuff.  So while the title of this post would suggest that the emphasis is on beginning again, what I really want is for you to understand the importance of breathing through the process.  The deep breathing is what will facilitate the beginning again, making everything come out alright in the end.

Theoretically, I Get It, But Practically…

Yowza.  That’s the best word I can come up with to describe my current internal state of affairs.  It’s not a bad thing.  Just a very mixed up feeling:  bit of confusion, angst, some curiousity and even a little bit of laissez faire thrown in for good measure.  What’s this all in response to?  A teaching from Don Miguel Ruiz, specifically, his instruction from the Four Agreements which says, “Don’t Take Things Personally.”

Now I’ve been a student of The Four Agreements for a couple of years now.  I love the simplicity of the agreements, as well as the implications for human relationships and interactions.  I love the possibilities that I can envision when I see myself and others interacting with these agreements as anchors.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about, here are the agreements simply stated:

1. Don’t Make Assumptions
2. Don’t Take Things Personally
3. Be Impeccable With Your Word
4. Always Do Your Best

If you want more detailed explanation, I strongly recommend reading The Four Agreements.  It’s such a simple read, and well worth a bit of your time (which is all it will take to read it — it’s short as well!).

Of all of these agreements, “don’t take things personally” is the one that holds the greatest challenge for me, generally speaking.  In a nutshell, as I understand it, Ruiz suggests that while someone might say something to me, about me, in front of me, or whatever, what they say and how they say it is ABOUT THEM.  How I respond is ABOUT ME.  There’s more to it than that, but that’s the essence of the teaching.  And I get it, theoretically-speaking.  But when it comes to practical implementation, I will admit that I get stuck from time-to-time.

For example, this morning I received an email from a friend regarding the research around aspartame, and it’s ill effects.  The email wasn’t gentle in it’s descriptions; it described some pretty vivid horrors that have been linked to the consumption of aspartame.  Nothing I didn’t know, but there it was in black and white.  Now, intellectually, I believe my friend was simply sharing an interesting article.  Yes, she is a bit of a purist when it comes to food — organics, raw, no sugar, no white flour, etc; — whereas I really am not.  I’m really quite okay with any and all things in moderation.  And as someone who’s had diabetes for many years, conventional thinking has been that it’s better to choose the aspartame than the real sugar.  In recent years, admittedly, this thinking has changed for me — I now rarely choose aspartame-ridden foods, preferring to adjust my insulin for sugar–intake as necessary, rather than taste the aspartame — but I still have the occasional diet soda, I admit it.  And while I believe (for the most part) that my friend was simply sharing info, there’s a small part of me that feels like she was preaching.  From a judgmental space.  And I’m not a fan of judgment coming at me.

So, I’m in this very curious space (which is where I hang out from time-to-time) where I’m trying to NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY and at the same time acknowledge that it feels personal.  I’m not sure I have any particular wisdom to share around this.  Except for the following:  I think the key to not taking things personally is to first be aware that you are taking things personally.  The awareness then allows you to explore what’s being triggered (for me with aspartame there’s a sense of feeling like my options are being taken away from me, bit by bit, but that’s another story), and determine how to respond in a grounded way.  Another key to following the whole “don’t take things personally” agreement is to understand that this is not a pass to abdicate responsibility for your own responses and reactions.  Instead it really is about owning your responses, while not taking on the baggage of another.  I think.

Bottom-line:  I think there’s something powerful for me to revisit with The Four Agreements.  And I think there’s some rich teaching there for you as well.  I really do believe that following the agreements, if we all could do it, would infuse our relationship world with possibilities beyond our current imaginations.  And, sometimes, it’s a bit challenging.