5 Steps to Dealing with Blind Spots

Yes, it’s true.  Even leaders have blind spots.  One of the things I’m discovering is that these blind spots are often self-induced.  Why?  Because it can be oh-so-easy to buy into the myth that, as a leader, you must somehow know it all.  Which means you can walk around with the idea that there’s nothing you can’t handle.  Which, in turn, can very quickly lead to the place of not admitting when you don’t actually know the answer to something.  In other words, you end up being actually unable to see when you’re floundering, or about to flounder.  Blind spot.

What is it about our society that puts this pressure on leaders?  What would become possible if leaders were allowed some latitude, allowed the opportunity and given permission to get things wrong, make mistakes like anyone else, admit to their shortcomings?  Would these in anyway diminish their leadership abilities?  My guess — and actually, my experience — is that it wouldn’t.  My guess is that having leaders own and acknowledge their blind spots — even allowing others to point out blind spots and support leaders in circumventing them — would actually enhance leadership ability in the long run.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:  leaders who are allowed to be human — and perhaps more importantly, leaders who allow THEMSELVES to be human — are actually the leaders who lead effectively.

So, all this being said, how does one deal with blind spots?  What strategies can be used to acknowledge and then move around these areas?  Here’s my  5-step system:

1. Surround yourself with trustworthy people who will, in a non-judgmental, completely supportive way, point out when there’s something you’re not seeing (a blind spot).
2. Become familiar with your own voice of judgment so you can recognize when it starts speaking, and then turn your attention to the voice of reason which allows you to make mistakes.
3. Let go of having to be perfect — in fact, celebrate mistakes as learning opportunities.
4. Remind yourself that some of the greatest leaders in history made mistakes — and achieved victory by moving past those.
5. Once in a while, shut your brain off and act from the heart — the heart’s blind spots aren’t nearly as debilitating as those of your brain.  In other words, your heart will rarely steer you wrong.

Bottom-line:  blind spots exist.  That’s all there is to it.  Whether you’re a leader, a follower, or someone who hasn’t yet found your place in the game of life, you have blind spots.  Trust me.  And, owning them and knowing that they’re simply part of the deal is critical.  Once you’ve done that, you can take steps to navigate over, through and around them.

The Lessons Never Stop

One of the things that is true in this world, whether you’re a leader or not, is this:  by virtue of the fact that you are human, your are bound to engage in continual learning.  Life lessons and teachable moments abound.  Everyday, there is some new piece of knowledge that will present itself to you, some new experience that you will face.  It’s inevitable.  The lessons never stop.

Sometimes, these lessons come fairly well spaced out — there’s time for you to stop, catch your breath, assimilate the learning before moving on.  At other times, the lessons seem to come at you at a fast-and-furious rate, rather like being bombarded with snowballs from every angle possible, leaving you with no time to breathe, let alone think or assimilate.  This is the sort of week I find myself caught in at the moment.  Actually, to be honest, it feels like it’s been a couple of weeks’ worth of this sort of pace.  and in my conversations with others — again, whether leaders or not — this sort of experience seems fairly common.

What I’m noticing is that there are a couple of ways  to be with this sort of bombardment.  One, given that everything is essentially pelting me at once, is to lay down and try and escape from it all.  The bombardment still occurs, but there’s a way that I can bury my head somewhat and avoid the inevitable bruising.  Sort of an escapist strategy.  Keeps the pain at bay, but doesn’t actually result in me gaining anything or learning anything.  Which means that the life lessons will present themselves again at a future date, because that’s the way life works in my experience; if you don’t learn the lesson the first time, it’ll resurface later.  So I get to ask myself, do I want to learn this now or postpone this for later?  Always a difficult choice.

Another option is to allow the lessons to come at me, and try and learn from them all.  The challenge with this one is that my brain can only focus so much.  After that, nothing makes sense, so inevitably, I will miss stuff — and probably not the stuff I want to miss.

A third option is for me to keep myself in the game, keep myself really grounded and aware, so that I’m consciously choosing which lessons to pay attention to, and which to let go for now.  This is essentially the route I’m choosing at the moment.  The challenge with this strategy, especially as I hold myself in my leadership game, is that as I hold myself in a space of awareness, I can move very quickly into a corresponding space of judgment — judging myself for not absorbing all of the lessons, for having to learn the lessons at all, for being in this space, etc; etc;.  Which, let’s be honest, doesn’t serve at all.  Judgment tends to undermine any learning which might be happening.

So, what to do?  How do effective leaders be with the experience of life lessons in away that minimizes the need to relearn the lesson later, but doesn’t move one into overwhelm or judgment?  I”m not sure I’ve come across the definitive answer on this one yet.  My sense, however, is that it absolutely requires letting go of judgment,  opening myself to the learning and allowing relearning a lesson be an okay option.  Yes, I think that’s it.  And, as a leader, learning to let go of the judgment and stand in awareness as I learn and grow may in fact be the biggest life lesson of all.

Whatever Will Come, Will Come…

Yes, I know.  The traditional saying is “whatever will be, will be.”  However, my son has just finished reading the Harry Potter series of books — one of my all time favourites, by the way — and this morning I asked him what his favourite quote was.  He didn’t have to think long before he quoted Hagrid and said, “Whatever will come, will come.  And we’ll have to meet it when it does.”

Now, while I realize that the words were not his — he was quoting, after all — I was awestruck at his ability to pull what seems like an essential life-learning from the series, at such a young age.  Essentially, this quote speaks to what so many struggle with on a daily basis:  the ability to stay right here, right now, not worrying about what might happen, and instead trying to plan for every eventuality, engaging in a host of unnecessary worry as a result. Honouring the quote of “whatever will come, will come” seems like such a fantastic reminder of the approach required to move through life with ease.

As I reflect on how this perspective serves leadership, it occurs to me that leaders must strive to avoid getting caught in the “perpetual planning” trap.  There’s a way in which leadership — which requires one to be forward-thinking — requires one to plan ahead.  A leader must contemplate the future, try to anticipate what might happen and brainstorm possible contingency plans and options.  It’s the nature of the beast, I get it.  And yet, if a leader is not careful, he or she can get so caught up in planning and miss what’s going on right here, right now.  And this doesn’t serve either.

Bottom-line:  effective leaders balance the ability to plan with the ability to stay fully grounded and present in this moment.  They balance their ability to vision with the ability to see what’s right in front of them.  They understand that, try as they will, all the planning in the world simply cannot prepare them for every eventuality.  And when it comes right down to it, effective leaders know how to dance with whatever comes their way, even without planning.  Because, whatever will come, will come — that’s all there is to it.

Go Ahead, Get It Wrong (And Then Get It Right!)

One of the things that has been making itself crystal clear in every cell of my being over the last couple of weeks is the vision for what I’m creating in the world.  Admittedly, not all of it is crystal clear; in fact, much of it is downright blurry.  But it’s coming into focus, and everyday brings me another piece of the puzzle (sometimes I get a piece of the piece, but it’s still coming together — that’s the point).

As I give myself permission to receive these bits of insight, and as I sit with what’s clear and what isn’t, there are two questions that I hold that seem to support the process.  Both are questions that I encountered when I took CTI’s leadership program.  The first involves me filling in the blank:  “I was born at this time in history to  ______________”.  As if that doesn’t give one pause for thought.  Sheesh.  And then there’s the, “what is your purpose as a leader?” question.  Both of these result in slightly different articulations of the same phrase. And, they’re filled with what I believe my whole coaching practice and purpose are about.  Let me see if I can fill you in.

For me, what is becoming clearer, even 2 years out from my leadership journey, is that I’m meant to infuse the world — the small world around me and by extension the world at large — with a sense of ease. Now, whenever I articulate this, even if just to myself, I am overcome with a sense of overwhelm.  Ironic, isn’t it?  Given that I’m about “ease”? It’s like I get inundated with a whack of voices saying, “you’re full of it”, “no way can life be filled with ease” and other similar phrases.  All of a sudden, my mission feels daunting, never mind challenging.

But here’s what I’m coming to realize.  The overwhelm doesn’t actually come from the supposed enormity of my challenge.  Instead, it comes from a fear that I might not succeed.  That I might be wrong.  Or, that I’m right but I’ll somehow get it wrong.  That I’ll fail.  That I’ll leave this earth without having actually modeled what I think ease is.  With this in mind, here’s what I’m challenging myself to do — to go ahead and get it wrong.  That’s right; because what I know is that so long as I risk getting it wrong, I actually stand a chance of getting it right.  Every time I make an error, I get that out of the way and realign myself so that I eventually get it right.

And here’s the other thing I’m learning afresh.  As I get clearer and clearer on my vision, I also get clearer and clearer on my markers for success.  And my markers really are my markers.  My indicators of ease, and my sharing of these indicators, are based on my understanding.  In other words, it’s time for me to stop grappling with the angst of other people who don’t get what I’m up to, start putting myself out there, and then, glory be, I know I’ll get it right.

So here’s the bottom-line, the lesson for you:  whatever it is that you’re here to do, for whatever reason that you’re on the planet right here, right now, get clear on that, then keep putting yourself out there, dealing with others’ misperceptions, getting it wrong and then getting it right.  To fulfill your leadership purpose, you’ve got to get it wrong at some point.  Only then will you get it right.

Embracing the Space

So, I started my workday today as I often do — by logging on to my computer, connecting in to my social media sites, checking email and scanning my daytimer to see “what’s on the agenda.”  Each of these activities allows me to “get connected” and prepare for what’s ahead.

Today, I had a very interesting thing happen.  When I opened my email program, I was greeted by several messages from individuals who were needing to reschedule appointments, which is not a problem at all.  I’m nothing if not flexible.  As I responded to each request in turn, however, and then stopped to check my now altered agenda, I noticed that with the exception of one appointment, my entire calendar had been cleared for today.  That’s right, every single appointment had been rescheduled to later in the week.  Which means that I’ve been presented with a very spacious day.

As I sat with this noticing for a bit, I was surprised by the different internal reactions I experienced.  On one hand, there was a bit (albeit a small bit) of frustration over having to rejig things.  Not major; and it was there.  Along with this, almost in opposition to this, there was a feeling of “freedom” — that’s the best word I can think of — a sense of having the option to use my time as I wanted, rather than having it be punctuated by appointments.  This gave rise to a sense of gratitude — after all, it’s like being given the gift of time in abundance, time to address those tasks that often fall to the bottom of the to-do list.

Then there was this really weird feeling, perhaps the feeling that surprised me most of all. For this, I can find no single-word description.  Instead, I’ll have to resort to a combination of words — it was a mix of curiousity and angst.  It’s like I was excited about what would unfold on this day that was suddenly wide-open, and nervous about it all at the same time.  I mean, why the heck is the universe clearing my calendar for me?  What’s up?

As I sit here post-lunch, here’s what I know for sure.  In the midst of all of these feelings, there’s a paradoxical desire to simultaneously “use my time wisely” — dive into busy-work and get things done as it were — and to give myself over to the time that’s presented itself.  This morning, I’ve done a bit of both.  I’ve absolutely tackled some “mundane” tasks — the filing, the research, the organizing — things that would ordinarily be overlooked in service of more important things.  But I’ve also allowed myself to just sit, breathe and listen.  I still don’t know exactly why the space opened up for me.  And I don’t think I need to know, at least not yet.  Sitting, breathing and listening is allowing my head to clear, my thoughts to crystalize, ideas to form.   And so I’ve let go of needing to know, and simply embraced the spaciousness, letting my mind wander, doing what I feel called to do, and trusting that it’s all good.

Bottom-line learning:  when the universe hands you a gift, in this case the gift of time, go ahead and be aware of your reaction.  And, don’t let your noticings rob you of embracing and enjoying the gift.  All will become clear when it’s meant to.

Lines are for Writing On, Not Reading Between

“Say What You Need to Say” — so says John Mayer in one of his recent hit songs.  And while one might argue that the song is somewhat repetitive, I can’t help but be mesmerized, nearly every time I hear it, but what seems like such a simple truth.  “Say what you need to say.”  The song takes it one step further and expounds that “it’s better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say.”

The reason I’m writing about this today is that I’ve been bombarded in the past several weeks by what feels like a plethora of people stopping short in saying what they want.  Sometimes, the fact that they’re holding back is obvious.  Other times, it’s barely noticeable.  And in either case, what’s true is that the “holding back” is preventing the relationship — be it business, personal, neighbourly or something else altogether — from being infused with trust.

Now, I’m as guilty as the next person of holding back at times.  And my sense is that sometimes, there are good and valid reasons for doing so.  Perhaps the person you’re in conversation with hasn’t proven themselves trustworthy.  Perhaps you aren’t yet clear on your stance around a particular issue.  Perhaps you’re honouring a sense that a particular bit of information is best kept private for the time being.  All of these reasons are fine, and in these cases, I think it’s fine to hold back.  The challenge, however, arises when you hold back, expect the other person to “read between the lines” and then hold that person accountable to your unspoken message.  This is not fair in any way, shape or form and, it doesn’t work.

Some people are quite good at reading between the lines.  But that being said, some people are quite good at disguising their message between the lines.  Leaving things unsaid is a surefire recipe for communication catastrophe.  In the context of leadership, I believe that this is even more true.  Powerful leadership requires powerful communication — and this means being as transparent as possible — which means you say what you mean, mean what you say, and do what you say you’re going to do (which I think is a Barbara Coloroso line) — at least to the best of your ability.

Will you make mistakes?  Sure.  Will you hold back from time to time?  I’m willing to place money on it.  And, I want to challenge you — particularly the leader in you — tol lay it all on the line as much as possible.  Risk getting your message wrong.  Risk hurting feelings and having yours hurt.  Trust yourself and your relationships to be strong enough to move through whatever mess gets created.  Why?  Because when you say what you need to say, everyone knows where you stand.  And they can powerfully choose where they stand in relation to you.

Bottom-line:  quit being cryptic.  Keep it simple.  Say what you need to say.

Leaders are People Too

I’m here at the official end of my work week, looking back with gratitude and curiousity at what has been one hell of a roller-coaster ride, to say the least.  Ups, downs, twists, turns — these are the directions that my journey has taken this week, ending with a bit of goodness to sort of “round it all off” if you will.

While hurtling along on this thrill ride, I’ve found myself dealing with the whole spectrum of emotions: everything from sadness and anger, to joy and gratitude.  There’s even been a bit of wonder in there.  And what I noticed is that a lot of people, myself included, had difficulty at times being with that whole emotional range.  When I stood in the place of possibility, curiousity and optimism, most people were fine and comfortable hanging around.  But whenever I succumbed to the realm of sadness, anger or grief, all the “fixer-genes” seemed to come out — nobody wanted me to be in that space, and if I was going to be there, then they were going to leave.  It was as though I wasn’t allowed to experience that particular quality of emotion.

Well, here’s what I want to say — to myself ,to my chorus of saboteurs, my family, my friends, my colleagues, and heck, even to those of you who’ve never met me:  leaders are people too.  By which I mean that everyone, no matter who they are or what they’re trying to achieve in the world has ups and downs, joys and sorrows, fears and quandries.  And furthermore, everyone is allowed to have these, to experience these, to be with these,and to move forward when they’re ready.

This isn’t about perfection or imperfection.  This is about getting, really understanding, that a complete life is marked by a complete range of experiences.  EVERYONE will experience joy, fear, sadness, anger, frustration, curiousity and whatever else you can think of.  Leaders, followers, optimists, pessimists, realists — everyone.  And when they do, there’s something to be said for simply allowing the experience to be, for bearing witness and standing alongside the person, rather than running to fix or trying to move them along.

Speaking (well, writing) as someone who’s just felt my world rocked by fear — as someone who doesn’t often get this scared — trust me on this.  Leaders are people too.  And sometimes, that’s all you need to know.

Feeling Derailed? It Happens

So, I got some news this morning that I wasn’t at all expecting.  Furthermore, it isn’t the sort of news that I would want to expect.  The specifics really don’t matter, at least not for the purpose of this blog.  What matters is the fact that this unexpected news — the equivalent of a curve ball — has me feeling derailed.  That’s right, derailed, as in thrown off my track.  And so, as any good coach would do, I find myself going to the place of curiousity — curiousity about how to be with derailment.  I mean, when a leader feels derailed, what do you do with that in order to not have “derailed” define you from hereon in?  How do you ensure that “derailed” doesn’t become your permanent state of being?

Well, here’s what I’ve come up with, and I think this list — while probably not exhaustive — is a good start.

1. Let “derailed” be okay, at least for while.  Give yourself permission to feel derailed, and don’t beat yourself up for it.
2. Lean in to your support system.  The people you trust, whether they’re family, friends, colleagues or professionals, find them and share with them.  Don’t try to be in this place completely alone.  Don’t isolate yourself.
3. Give yourself the gift of time.  You’ve been taken off the track for a reason.  Stay off for a while — and notice what’s here in this space.
4. Breathe.  And then breathe again.  Derailment can leave you scared and anxious, and therefore breathing in a shallow sort of way.  So get conscious and breathe deeply.  It’s a stress-reliever you know.
5. Get the facts.  Whatever news you’ve gotten, don’t let your mind make up a story that’s too far-fetched.  There’s a human tendency to get a piece of information and run with it.  Don’t.  Flesh that info out, make sure you’ve got facts, not assumptions.

Once you’ve moved through these 5 steps (and they don’t have to be done in any particular order; in fact, some may be repeated as necessary) start to move back on to the track, whatever that is for you.  It might actually be a slightly different track than you were on originally.  And, the point is to get moving again.  Punctuate your movement with moments of revisiting each of the above steps.  And slowly but surely, my guess is that you’ll be zipping along as required again.

Bottom-line: derailment is bound to happen.  It can be frustrating, scary and confusing — and there are ways to navigate through it with ease.  These 5 steps are a start.  Here’s to the gifts of derailment, and to getting back on track.

Yes, Strong Leaders Can Be Vulnerable

For some reason, the issue of vulnerability is on my mind today.  Not sure why.  And not sure it really matters.  I’m just aware that I’ve been contemplating vulnerability for a bit today, wondering what it means, and what role it has in the realm of effective leadership.

You see, one of the things I witness fairly regularly in my work (given that I work with women leaders) is a trend towards “being strong” — or at least acting strong — in the face of whatever comes your way.  There seems to be an idea floating around that effective leaders are strong.  Period.  And for the most part, I can totally buy into this idea.  Effective leaders ARE strong.  That being said, I don’t believe that this strength needs to come at the expense of vulnerability.

When I think of effective leaders, leaders who get the job done, who command respect and draw people into their cause, there’s definitely a confidence and conviction that can be interpreted as strength.  I do believe, however, that these same strong leaders — the effective ones — also know how to allow their vulnerability to come through.  Vulnerability takes the form of admitting to mistakes, acknowledging that you don’t have all the answers, being willing to rely on your team, surrounding yourself with people who have capabilities which you don’t.  And sometimes, vulnerability means allowing your emotions to be visible to the outside world, including sadness and fear.

Why do I feel the need to write about this today?  Because I think the notion that vulnerability is contrary to effective leadership is false.  Moreover, I think this mistaken notion sets otherwise effective and powerful leaders up for failure.  Not just one-time, oops-I-made-a-mistake failure, but gone-for-all-time failure — the kind of failure whereby leaders lose followers and therefore lose their capacity to lead.  My sense is that until and unless an otherwise effective leader is willing to be vulnerable — to let his or her supposed “weakness” come through from time to time, people will actually find other leaders.

While having a strong, heroic, invincible leader works for a time, at some point people want to see your humanity.  In other words, effective leaders have got to be willing to let their emotions come forward, their mistakes be made known, so that they can then be seen to rise above that.

Bottom-line:  to be a truly effective leader, you’ve got to be a whole human package.  Strength is good.  Vulnerability is good.  And both together is great.  Vulnerable strength, and strong vulnerability — I think these are at least two of the characteristics of effective leaders.