Are You Telling Your Story? Or Theirs?
This past week I had the glorious opportunity to just sit back, relax, reflect and reconnect — with myself, my family, my friends. It was March Break here in Southwestern Ontario, Canada, and the weather was more appropriate to the month of May than mid-March. Sunny, balmy, fresh — it was absolutely delightful.
The weeks preceding my break were hectic and crazy to say the least. So much going on in the world of work, plus a whack of personal curve balls that had me getting less sleep than I need, and really expending a lot of energy as I strove to deliberately stay in the place of peace, rather than allowing myself to be propelled into some version of hell. Needless to say, I welcomed last week with open arms, and a commitment to just allow things to move slowly.
Slowly but surely, as the week unfolded, I reconnected with my inner voice, my higher self. I could actually hear my own questions and the corresponding answers. In a rather surreal way, I started to enjoy the juxtaposition of being completely immersed in each and every moment, and standing outside myself and bearing witness to my thoughts and choices — this is what happens for me, when I allow myself to become still, even if only for a while.
As I started to watch and listen, I became more aware of my response to others — the interpretations I make, the stories I assume, the way in which I sometimes take another person’s outlook and internalize it myself, thereby making it my own. This whole thing fascinated me, because I started to realize that I’ve got a lot of personal stories that really aren’t so personal — they belong to others and I’ve taken them on. For example, somewhere along the line I internalized a storyline that says failure is bad. When someone fails, he or she is a bad person. On closer reflection, however, what I know for sure is that this is not my story. My story is that failure serves; failure is needed to move forward to a success. Success is actually born out of failure — at least to some degree. And knowing that this is my story, not the former, allows me a new perspective on whatever so-called “failures” I’m experiencing in any given moment. I’m no longer a bad person — I’m a person moving towards success.
This whole exercise of separating my stories from the internalized stories of others is simply about heightening my awareness. This isn’t about judging myself for taking on another’s story, or about judging another for having a different story. Instead, it’s about separating my stories from those of others and knowing what stuff belongs to me, and what stuff I can comfortably release. It’s really about unearthing my own personal truth.
Because what I know for sure is that owning and telling my own story, rather than unconsciously internalizing someone else’s story serves my circumstance better. Allowing other people to have their stories, and allowing myself to have a different one is part of what allows each of us to have our own process and grow as we’re meant to. So the next time you find yourself telling a story, ask yourself: is this actually your story? And if your answer is “no”, give yourself some time to unearth your own story so you can start living more resonantly. More authentically. More freely. This what I learned during my break.