A Mountain Out of a Molehill
Or a “hole in the ground” beneath the molehill. That’s actually what it feels like in this moment. Yesterday I blogged about taking a big risk and contacting (or at least leaving a message for) Arlene Dickinson. While I haven’t yet received a response from here one way or the other, I’ve been allowing my brain to replay the message I left over, and over, and over again.
Not too soon after I began the “replay game” as I call it, I became aware of saying something which I tell myself was WRONG. Nothing offensive or inappropriate, just a weak phrasing of what I was going for and why. This is the “molehill” in question. The “mountain” that I created out of it was a big, icky, berating of myself that lasted for several hours — yes, I’m human and I can dwell on stuff, even when I know it doesn’t serve. Since then I’ve inverted the mountain and I’ve pointed that mountain downward, so to speak, so that now I’m hanging out in a “hole in the ground”, burying myself as it were, in a place of embarassment and shame. Which, I totally get, does NOT serve me or my mission in any way, shape or form. It just allows me to escape for a while.
I’m blogging about this simply to be transparent, to share my humanness, and to take away the sharpness of the sting. I have no idea how my supposed “weak phrasing” is going to land on Arlene’s side. I have no idea what her response to my request will be. I know what I want it to be. AND, how that shows up is now out of my hands.
So, now that I’ve hung out in my “hole in the ground” for a bit, I’m going to let that all go (at least mostly) and move on to the next tasks in my mission. I’m going to continue to stand in the place of service, and choose my “to-do actions” from there, rather than from the land of “should” — I know from experience that this is what works best for all concerned.
Bottom-line: neither mountains, nor molehills, nor holes in the ground are going to move me forward. Service and gratitude will. So I’ll hang out there. Will you join me?