When “Right” is Disguised as “Wrong”

I’m sitting here this morning contemplating “what’s right” and more specifically, how one knows when something is right. For example, how do you know when a course of action is right?  How do you know when it will serve? These questions are arising for me as a result of having reached a crossroads of sorts, and being uncertain as to which path to follow.  I’m sure you can relate to the resulting sense of angst (but maybe I’m just assuming you can relate — maybe you’ve never in fact been in this situation!)

For many years I’ve held the belief that you know when something’s right because it feels right.  What I’m starting to realize now, however, is that sometimes you’ve got to move through a “feeling wrong” experience before things feel right.  The temptation in this scenario, of course, is to assume that the initial “wrongness” deems the whole course of action wrong.  My sense is that this sort of thinking actually sets you up for unnecessary slogging.

Here’s an example.  At this particular point in my life, in my career, I have numerous goals and objectives.  Most of these still ring true as things which I want to accomplish; those that don’t, well I’m in the process of letting those go.  The challenge I’m encountering is that my best-laid plans are going somewhat askew, due to a number of reasons.  In order to get back on track, I’m sensing that I’m going to have to ask for some help — specifically, asking people for resources which I sort of figured I would be able to access on my own.  For me, the notion of asking others for resources of any sort generally feels “wrong.”  And I could easily let this feeling of “wrongness” stop me from asking.  When I take a step back, however, and look at the big picture, what I realize is that by not asking for resources, I’m likely to waste time and energy that could otherwise be put into the achievement of my goal.  In other words, while there’s an initial sense of “wrong”, in the long run, this choice could actually be “right.”

The ultimate challenge, of course, is that in this game of life you can’t actually know if something’s right or wrong until you do it.  Sometimes, the things that feel right turn out to be mistakes, and the things that feel wrong actually serve in a way you could never have imagined.  The trick, I’m beginning to understand, is to lose the judgment of right and wrong altogether, particularly with respect to the outcome, and simply choose a course of action — and then choose again as necessary.  It’s imperative to stop being hard on yourself, judging yourself for “wrong” choices, and keep your eye on the ball at all times, whatever that ball is for you.

Bottom-line is this, best summarized by Don Miguel Ruiz’s 4th agreement in his book The Four Agreements:  always do your best.  Some choices will serve, others will not, and if you’re doing your best at all times, then you simply cannot hold yourself in contempt.  It really is all good.