How Much Do You LOVE What You Do?

I’m a blessed woman, I admit it.  I’ve got a supportive husband, fabulous kids, parents who are alive and well and live close by, friends that I can connect with when I want to or need to, good health, a great home, yummy food — my list really could go on and on.  One of the things I haven’t yet mentioned, however, and that I truly think is a phenomenal blessing, is that I get to fill my days doing work that I absolutely LOVE.  That’s right; I LOVE the work that I do, I LOVE the environment in which I work, and I LOVE the people that I work with.  Can you say the same?

The reason I ask you this question is this:  I believe that everyone has the right to do the work they love to do.  More importantly, I think everyone has a responsibility to be doing the work that they love to do, in the environment that they love, with the people they love.  You read correctly — I think that you have not only the right to do work that you love, but the responsibility to do so as well.  Why?  Because I believe that the work that you love is the work that you were put on this planet to do.  And if you’re doing anything other than the work that you love, then you’re selling yourself short and not living into your purpose.

So ask yourself:  are you doing work that you LOVE?  And if your answer is anything other than an unqualified “yes”, I ask a follow-up question:  what’s stopping you?  Is it the job itself? ?  The people? The circumstances? Whatever it is, what’s it going to take for you to get yourself to a place and time where you can shout from the rooftops, “I LOVE the work that I do?”  As an expert in the area of life balance, one of the things I know for sure is that in order to have a sense of balance in your life, you have to love what you do.  So, knowing that 2010 is just around the corner, what will you do to tweak your circumstances?

Bottom-line:  what I want for you is a sense of joy and fulfillment in the work that you do on a day-to-day, moment-to-moment basis — yes, even when you’re engrossed in the logistics of it all.  Because when you’re doing what you love, even the logistics are loveable.  Trust me.

Blessings: In Disguise and Otherwise

So, tomorrow is American Thanksgiving.  To my American friends and followers, “Happy Thanksgiving!”  As a Canadian, it’s been just over a month since I celebrated and gave thanks with my family.  Not sure why our Thanksgiving holidays are on different days, but they are.  And yet, despite that, the intention is the same, obviously:  to pause, and give thanks for blessings, in disguise and otherwise.  The kicker, of course, is that our focus is very much on the “otherwise” — the blessings that are perhaps more obvious and visible.  That being said, the ones in disguise really do warrant our gratitude as well.

For example, I’ve had numerous (and I do mean NUMEROUS) experiences this past week of having scheduled appointments fall through at the last minute.  Reasons have been varied, everything from illness to double-booking, to simply forgetting.  And while my initial reaction is quite often one of exasperation (it can certainly be frustrating to feel “stood up” in any way, shape or form), I’ve actually had some fun flipping the perspective of inconvenience into one of blessing.  You see, each and every rescheduling or rejigging afforded me the opportunity to have the gift of timre that I didn’t originally have.  And for a woman who’s got a whole month of projects and activities to catch up on, unexpected time is absolutely welcome.

So, as you anticipate the pause to give thanks that arrives tomorrow, my request of you is that you look beyond the obvious.  While I know you’re thankful for the abundance of good things, the opportunities in your life, your family and friends, what I really want to know is, what blessings are in your life that are just waiting to be noticed?  What have you not yet acknowledged?  Make a game out of it.  Toss marbles in a jar as you enumerate the myriad of blessings in your life.  Notice how quickly it fills up — and use more than one jar if you need to.

The bottom-line, I believe, is that we are all markedly more blessed than we realize.  Sometimes we simply need to change our lenses — or at the very least, clean our lenses — in order to see the bounty that surrounds us.  There really is much to be thankful for.  Happy Thanksgiving all!

How Are You REALLY? — Are You Sure?

“How are you?”  This is a question that is asked hundreds of times a day, in various forms.  And more often than not, the answer of choice is “fine, thanks”, “good, thanks”, or some similar phrase, usually delivered with very little enthusiasm or thought.  Moreover, there are definitely times where the answer “fine, thanks” is clearly not true.  Or, at the very least while it might be true, it doesn’t jive with the energy and vibe being given off.  So I’m sitting in a place of curiousity around this, wondering what it is that stops people from answering truthfully, or at least acknowledging the disconnect between their words and their energy.

Let me give an example.  This morning I called a friend very quickly to confirm plans for our children this weekend.  The moment she answered the phone, I could tell that she wasn’t in her usually cheerful spirits.  Not that she has to be; she’s entitled to feelings other than cheerfulness, especially when the weather is grayish.  That being said, when I questioned how she was, her answer was (in the most flat-lined tone possible) “oh, I’m fine. Nothing wrong at all.”  When I expressed concern about her voice tone (“are you sure?  you don’t sound fine.”) she did acknowledge that the weather was getting her down.  My question is, why couldn’t this have been part of her original answer?  What is it that has people hold back various aspects of the truth, particularly when it pertains to “how they’re doing?”

In an effort to find the answer, I’ve done a little introspection.  While I realize that I may not represent humanity as a whole, I think there may be elements of universal truth in my experience.  So here’s what I know:

-sometimes, I don’t want to share details with the person in question — due to a lack of trust, lack of intimacy, etc;

-sometimes, I haven’t actually taken the time — and don’t want to take the time –  to check in and find out how I am.  Answering with the “expected” answer feels like it’s all I can muster.

-sometimes, I’m distracted.

-sometimes, I’m trying to “fake it till I make it”; in other words, I’m trying to shift my “down-state” into something more upbeat

While all of these rationales may be true at various times for me, I do think that there’s something that gets lost, and something “icky” that gets created in its place, when we don’t take the time and effort to answer truthfully — or to at least acknowledge the discrepancy between our “fine” answer and our “less-than-fine” demeanor.  I wonder what it would take for us to interact with each other and with ourselves truthfully, at all times?  It’s just a curious question that I’m holding.  And while I hold it, I’ll invite you to ask yourself — how are you today?  Are you sure?

Have the Messy Conversation

What a week.  Looking back, I’m able to breathe a huge sigh of — well, it’s almost of relief — that the week is over and a new one has begun.  So far, this one feels like it’s going to be much more “normal” — by which I mean productive, flowing, filled with me accomplishing tasks, connecting with people, doing what needs to be done without any sense of fatigue or overwhelm.  It’s been a while.  And last week felt particularly draining because, even though I was physically better than the preceding weeks, I forced myself to have some messy conversations.

You see, over the past month a few things have been forcibly brought to my attention.  Some of these have revolved around my family life, some have been about my expectations and how they are — or aren’t — being met, some have been about what I actually need in my life.  Now, you’ll recall that I made a commitment a while back (before I got sick) to endeavour to move through my days without complaining.  One of my colleagues helped me out with this by suggesting that oftentimes a complaint is merely an unskilled way of making a request.  So I’ve been framing what would otherwise be complaints as requests, trying to be as nice as I can when making these.  And then last week, I hit a glitch.

What I noticed last week is that some of my requests were such that I knew they would be met with resistance, for various reasons.  And I found myself doing a bit of a “pre-conversation cleaning up” sounded something like this:  “I can’t ask for that particular thing, that’s too demanding.  I need to be kinder, softer, gentler.  I need to be understanding.”  “Wait a minute, I AM being understanding, I can’t sugar-coat this!  I’m angry and I need to be honest about this.”  “But being honest isn’t going to help, it’s just going to make the conversation more difficult than it needs to be.”  You can see how this was going.  The thing is, by engaging in this mental pre-conversaation clean-up, I was using up energy, tiring myself out AND not getting the issue at hand dealt with.  So eventually, I dispensed with the clean-up, and dove into the messy conversation.  Here’s what I learned.

Sometimes, having the messy conversation — however painful it might be — actually serves better and results in an ultimately better outcome.  My sense is that this stems from the authenticity of the conversation.  As messy as it is, as difficult as it is, there’s a way in which the “real-factor” overrides the messiness and — assuming you can push through — results in a better outcome.  Don’t get me wrong.  The conversations were absolutely difficult.  There were definitely times when I wanted to stop and “clean things up” before I kept moving ahead.  But I forced myself to stay in the mess, knowing somehow that it would get cleaned up eventually, AND that there was a realness that was serving my relationship better than a “clean” conversation would.

Bottom-line:  sometimes it’s better to dive into the messy and push your way through to an outcome that works for all.

When You Lose Momentum

It’s funny; I don’t think I’ve ever really been in this position before.  That is to say, I don’t think I’ve ever really “lost” momentum.  I think there have been times where I’ve slowed down, where I’ve felt myself losing momentum, but I’ve never actually lost it entirely.  Well, I guess there’s a first time for everything.  Because at this point, I have definitely LOST momentum.  It’s gone.  Kaput. Fizzled out.  And it feels wierd!

Years ago, in highschool physics class, I remember learning some law that says an object in motion likes to stay in motion, unless it is stopped.  This much I remember.  And this is the way I’m feeling right now.  Like everything has ground to a halt.  It’s all stopped.  What I don’t remember is how that same object can get started again.  I’m actually sitting here, in this space of my life, having lost momentum completely, and wondering “how do I get it back?”  “Where do I start?”

The answer that keeps coming up is “just take one step — any step.”  Which seems to make sense.  What I’m finding most intriguing, however, is how hard it is to take a step, any step.  It actually takes a LOT of effort (or at least it is for me).  And this is really frustrating.

All this being said, I must state that writing this blog post is — in and of itself — a step for me.  It is one thing off of my weekly task list.  From here I will send some email correspondence.  Then I will work on polishing my survey for interested participants.  Slowly but surely, i will keep taking steps.   And what I know for sure is that by taking one step at a time, I will build momentum and get my rhythm back.  The challenge for me right now is to stay in the “one step at a time” moment, until I get to the rhythmic momentum moment.  And I will get there.  One step at a time.

Forced to Slow Down

Well, the last week has been a very interesting one to say the least. “A lesson in slowing down” could well have been the overarching theme — what it takes to do so, how it looks, and how to listen to your body.  I got knocked out for the count with a double-whammy of the flu (they think “the big one”) and pneumonia in my right lung.  Talk about complete achiness, difficulty breathing and constant fatigue.  If that doesn’t cause you to slow down for a bit nothing will.

Here’s one of the things that I noticed.  You see, I’m a big advocate of slowing down.  It’s a way of showing up in the world that I expound upon regularly.  That being said, what I learned is that there’s a big difference between CHOOSING to slow down (which is what I’m generally talking about) and being FORCED to slow down (which is what I feel happened to me).  The forced aspect really does leave you feeling out of control, helpless and — in my case anyway — a little fearful of what might be around the corner.

All that being said, whether you are forced to slow down or choose the condition freely, there really is a way in which life suddenly has an opportunity to catch up with you.  What I noticed in my case is that, despite the fact that I was flat on my back, unable to work (and for a self-employed person, that’s a little un-nerving), seeds that I had planted out there in the world did continue to grow.  While it did feel like everything around me had slowed down, the fact was that things were moving forward still as well.  And, by letting go and surrendering to the process as completely as possible, my brain was given free rein to explore thoughts and ideas that I would otherwise keep at bay.

So now, while I’m definitely not at 100%, I am back with a bit of new-found energy.  I’ve got some new ideas for energizing old ideas.  I’ve got some insight into what I really want to do and what sorts of structures I want to put in place, just in case I’m ever knocked off my feet again.  And I’ve got a new appreciation for what I always knew was important, but hadn’t necessarily embraced fully:  the need to slow down.  And for those of you who are wondering, even while I was out for the count, I did in fact still play with the challenge of no complaining at all — talk about interesting!  But that is another story.

Bottom-line:  take time to slow down.  Really listen to your body and your heart, take time for yourself to rest and rejuvenate.  The benefits far outweigh the inconvenience of putting a project or two on hold.  And the world really will keep moving on.