It Takes Two to Tango

Last night I was watching one of my favourite shows, Being Erica (if you’ve never watched it, it’s totally worth checking out –  new season’s coming up too!).  Last night’s lesson was all around “control” — a particularly interesting topic for me, especially given that I’ve coauthored a book on the subject.   Anyhow, last night, Erica’s big learning was that in any relationship, she could only control her part in it.  More specifically, while she may have wanted a certain type of relationship with another person, the only aspect of that relationship that she had any power over was her own actions and choices.  She could write the “script” all she wanted, but the other person would still, ultimately, choose their own lines.

I absolutely loved this lesson, and the way it was conveyed.  You see, I often feel myelf wishing that people would act a certain way with me, say certain things, etc;.  But no matter how much I might set the stage or lay the groundwork, the notion of free choice (which we all have) means that ultimately, I can only set the stage and lay the groundwork, nothing more.  I can’t force others to act a certain way.  Not my friends, not my family, not my colleagues, not my children.  I can make requests, absolutely; I can teach them or explain to them what I’m needing, wanting, expecting, hoping for.  And, that’s the most I can do.  Ultimately, they will choose their next move — and I will choose mine in response to that.

Bottom-line:  being in relationship with someone requires me to be open to that person making their own choices, regardless of my expectations.  I can explain my expectations, and then I need to let them dance, knowing that it takes two to tango.

When An Idea Finally Breaks Through

So I’ve been sitting in this sort-of cocoon for a bit now, feeling this idea germinate, but not knowing when (or if) it would ever break through and come into being.  Well, last night at around 3 a.m., it did.  All I can say is “yippee!!”

Now, I will admit that at 3 a.m., I’m not all that coherent or lucid.  Ideas that come to me then are often forgotten by morning, leaving me with a feeling of frustration.  Because I’m often aware that I HAD an idea, I just can’t remember what it was.  Well last night, when the idea came to me, part of me knew I didn’t want to lose it.  So, in the dark I groped around for a pen and notepad and scrawled a note to myself.  This morning, believe it or not, the note was legible and the excitement of having birthed a new idea returned.

I know, you want to know what the idea is.  Well, in a nutshell, I’ve finally (after much processing and evolving) crystalized my coaching niche, at least in it’s newest form.  I’m fully aware that niches change, you see.  That’s what been causing me such angst.  I’ve been aware that my niche has needed refinement, I just couldn’t nail down the language to describe my coaching niche in it’s newly evolved form.  Well, now I’ve got it.  Ready?   My new niche is women CEO’s in Fortune 500 companies.  My focus is still as a life balance expert — I’m just taking this expertise to this very specific demographic.  And let me tell you, having nailed it down, I can feeeeeeeel the resonance.  Which is a darn good thing.

So now I’m into research phase.  Getting names and contact info, crystallizing my marketing materials.  The funny thing is that there’s a new-found momentum behind each of these tasks now.  I’ve been working on them for a while, but now things are flowing.

Bottom-line:  when an idea finally breaks through, so does the dam that’s been holding back the momentum to generate great work.  It’s a darn good feeling, let me tell you.