How Much of It is REALLY About You?

In his book “The Four Agreements”, Don Miguel Ruiz lists “Don’t Take Things Personally” as one of the cornerstones of healthy human interaction.  Now I’ve got to admit, this is probably the agreement that I find most challenging to honour.  What I’ve come to realize over the last several months is that I have a default pattern whereby I USUALLY take things personally — as in I often take a situation or happening and make it about me.  And this pattern really ain’t working for me.

Has me wonder how many others do the same sort of thing — take things personally that really aren’t personal.  What I’ve learned through playing with Ruiz’s Four Agreements is that very little is personal in this world, and even when something is personal, it’s actually better for everyone to operate as if it isn’t.

You see, when you take a situation — say your neighbor has a habit of intruding on your space — and focus on the impact their behaviour is having on you, you’re making the situation about you — and it’s not.  One of the realizations I’ve had is that a person’s actions are about them, my reaction is about me.  So, the fact that a neighbor intrudes on your space is about them – that’s their behaviour.  How you respond (anger, frustration, angst, letting go, whatever) is about you.

When you separate a person’s actions from your reaction, when you realize that their action has NOTHING to do with you personally, you are liberated from the shackles that otherwise imprison you.  You’re free to make choices that are otherwise unseen.

Bottom-line: next time you find yourself freaking out about someone else’s actions, ask yourself if your reaction is conveying a message about YOU that you’re really comfortable with.