I’ve Got a Secret…
…and it’s eating me up inside. It’s not even a shameful, hurtful secret in any way, shape or form. Instead, I’m involved in a covert operation to plan a surprise birthday party for a loved one. It’s actually turning into a very fun event and I can’t wait to see the look on the person’s face when they walk through the door. My sense is that we’ve done a great job keeping this under wraps, so the surprise is bound to be exactly that — and the guests scheduled to be in attendance are a good bunch, so the evening will be a LOT of fun.
What I’ve learned through this whole experience, however, is that a secret is a secret is a secret. And when you’re holding on to information, feeling unable to share it with anybody, it really does wreak a certain amount of havoc on you. In my case, I haven’t slept properly for a week or so. My mind is in constant overdrive, being ever vigilant about covering my tracks. And the information just feels like a bit of a “burden” in some way. It has me really curious about the impact of secret-keeping. I’m actually exploring and pondering the theory that human beings aren’t made for secret-keeping. Not that we can’t – clearly we can. But when we do, there actually is a physiological impact that doesn’t necessarily serve us well.
My bottom-line question is this: what if humanity never had secrets? What if everyone in the planet always operated on the up-and-up, in total transparency? Wouldn’t this augment our sense of trust, our ability and willingness to be with each other in a trusting space? Because no matter how “good” a secret is — in this case, who doesn’t love to be showered with love and gifts — I can’t help but think that a certain amount of “mistrust” arises in the surprisee. It’s just a theory; and I’m curious. Something I’ll definitely sit with. Even as I hold this secret for 11 more hours. Wish me luck!
and let’s hope your loved one is not a faithful reader of your site or may do the math.
have fun!
Don’t think I didn’t think of that as I was writing yesterday’s post! It’s one of the rare times that I was glad to NOT have a faithful follower — he’s a follower and supporter in lots of ways, but blog reading isn’t one of them. And now, the surprise is passed, it stayed a surprise until the last moment and all is as it should be. I am now breathing freely. And my husband is enjoying the state of post-party bliss. All is well in the world