Holding it All Together – a New Take

Waiting, waiting, waiting…feeling things emerge…getting excited…and choosing to stay grounded at the same time.  Is it even possible?  To be grounded and excited at the same time that is?  I believe that it’s not only possible, it’s essential.  Especially as things start to emerge and become real.  Why?  Because when you fly up on the wings of excitement without a modicum of “groundedness” it’s very easy to miss the signs that continue to reveal themselves, thereby missing the action that may be required of you.  And if you miss the required action, then the thing that had you feel excited may disappear.

I don’t mean to be speaking in cryptic language here.  I’m just trying to keep this as general as possible, recognizing that while I know what is emerging in my own life, I want this blog entry to be able to apply to your life as well.  And here’s what I know:  being able to express excitement when there is progress of any sort is essential.  Getting carried over the top in a frenzy of ecstasy, however, can mean that you lose any sense of groundedness.  So how do you overcome this?  (Because let’s be honest, getting carried over the top is pretty easy to do.)  It boils down – as so much does – to awareness.  Keeping yourself in the realm of conscious awareness allows you to experience and express a full range of emotions and responses, while simultaneously keeping your feet on the ground, and your head in the game of life.  This isn’t about stoicism.  Heck, it isn’t even about toning down excitement.  Instead, this is about allowing more than one “thing” to be expressed at the same time.  It’s about allowing emotions to co-exist, without feeling schizophrenic.

Bottom-line: excitement is great.  Groundedness is great.  Holding both together — and everything in between — is the height of greatness when it comes to dancing with life.  That’s where I’m at today.  Happy Easter all!  Here’s to new birth, new life, and emergence.

Surrender to Emergence

You know, life is filled with paradox.  It’s enough to make you throw your hands up in despair and just say, “I surrender.”.  Which is probably exactly what is needed nine times out of ten.  Why?  Because so often you get attached to something happening a certain way and at a certain time, that you lose sight of the fact that you’re forcing a natural process to work “un-naturally”.  Sometimes, the thing that you’re trying to force, needs to just emerge.

Last year, one of my mentors talked about the fact that there are two opposing forces at work in life:  the force of homeostasis, and the force of emergence.  The former is all about things staying the same, the second is about things changing.  Both are natural, and although they work in “opposition”, they both have their place.  I assert that things stay the same until the natural process requires things to change, to be different, to emerge into whatever’s next.

As human beings who sometimes try to become human doings instead, our tendency is it ignore natural processes – to give ourselves more power than is real – and force things to happen.  Even as I write this, I can feel my own resistance rising up.  Because there are things I want to happen NOW.  And I know that when I want something and ask, the universe will provide.  What I’m forgetting, however, is that the universe will provide – in the right time.  I have to give it time to emerge.  So it’s time to sit back, to settle into trust, and allow.  It’s time to surrender to the force of emergence.

Pros and Cons of “The Box”

Read a great question a few moments ago:  “what if the answers you’re looking for are IN the box?” (Dan Clark).   There’s so much hype these days about thinking outside the box, that the question merits some consideration.  For me, it’s less about getting out of the box, as realizing that your box is bigger than you believe to be true.

“The Box” is filled with shadowy places, dark corners if you will.  Because of the shadowy nature of these corners, it’s easy to overlook what might be lurking there.  Indeed, it’s easy to assume that what’s lurking there isn’t worth you finding it.  And yet, so often, what’s “lurking” is just playing a game of hide-and-seek with your mind.  It wants to be found.  And the way to find it is two-fold:  one, shine a light on it.  Or two, expand the walls of your box so that the corners are brought into the light.

When you’re willing to expand the size of your box — move the walls as it were — then you’re able to play outside the self-imposed parameters that exist.  You start to realize that your “box” is really quite malleable, and that you can shift in however you want until you find what you’re looking for.

Bottom-line:  don’t worry about thinking inside  or outside of the box so much as giving your box expandable walls.  I believe that’ll serve you better.

How Is Knowing Your Limits Limiting You?

I’ll bet the title question has you just a little stumped.  Maybe perplexed.  And maybe not.  Regardless, the idea of limits is what we’re going to explore in this month’s issue of LAUNCH.  More specifically, we’re going to look at limits in the context of how you create your life.  Before we go there, let’s recap:  so far in the “new year, new story” series we’ve talked about using the phrase “the end” as a tool to stop the repetitious old story that tends to cycle through your brain when you’re going through life unconscious of your thoughts; then we talked about the importance of being strategic in your use of the word “should” – using it as minimally as possible, thereby ensuring that you rid yourself of any unnecessary burden.  And finally, we explored the issue of personal responsibility, particularly as it relates to the somewhat nebulous quality of feelings.  Having done all that, and before we go any further, I want to invite you to pause for a moment and notice what’s different in your life now?  Three months into this new story of your life, what changes are you noticing in the way you interact with the world?  What are you finding easy?  And what remains a challenge?  Just notice, take stock, and then move on.  There’s definitely more to explore.  So let’s begin.

One of the things that is important when you set about to create the life that you want for yourself, life on your terms, is for you to know your capabilities, your passions, your talents, and your limits.  Sounds like a lot when put this way, but really it’s about knowing what your strengths are so that you can “leverage your best and ditch the rest.”  Indeed, you’re most effective in the creation of anything — but particularly in the creation of life on your terms — when you know where your particular assets lie.  Here’s the kicker though:  while knowing your strengths can serve you well, being aware of your limits can actually hold you back.  Why?  Because you start to create a story that is filled with limitations.  Phrases like “I don’t do…”, “I can’t do…”, “That’s just not my thing”, “I’m not into…” actually form boxes in which you start to live.  In my experience the actual fact, however, is that while you may not like certain things, while you may prefer a specific way of being, if pushed to the wire you actually COULD do a lot of what you tell yourself is impossible.

So what?  So this:  rather than thinking about your “limits” in terms of “can’ts” and “won’ts” (“I can’t do”, “I won’t do”), you are truly better served by thinking along the lines of “I could do, and I’d rather not”, or “I don’t like to do, but I could if I tried”, and similar phrases.  My personal belief is that anyone is capable of most things when presented with the right set of circumstances.  Let me give you some examples:  I consider myself a fairly non-techy person; computer lingo often baffles me, and I’d really rather not engage in tech-related projects.  That being said, I now have a bi-weekly podcast, which requires me to use techy gadgets.  Granted, I have a fabulous producer who does most of the background work in terms of making the series available to subscribers, but one of my stories until recently was “I don’t do tech-stuff”.  Clearly, while I may not like it, I can in fact do it!  Here’s another one: I’ve always considered myself to be lacking in natural physical strength — never really been on a sports team in my youth, walking was fine as long as it was warm and sunny and I could walk slowly, and coordination was noticeably sub-par, at least compared to those “natural athletes” in my world.  So the story I created was that “I don’t do physical activity.”  Well that’s a real crock — because I do go to the gym, I do lift weights (albeit reluctanctly) and I am capable of physical exertion, to the point that I’ve started training to run a marathon next year.  Once again, my story that I’m not capable of athleticism was stopping me from exploring my range of options.  Is athletic ability a natural strength of mine?  I don’t think so.  But does it mean that I can’t access it at all?  Nope.  It’s actually there, and I CAN access it, if I really want to.

So, what do YOU really want?  And what’s it going to take for you to step outside the perceived limits you’ve set for yourself and expand your range?  Because that’s what this is really about:  giving yourself permission to play with a full range of capabilities, skills, and options.  It’s about playing outside the box and stretching your comfort zone, making “I can do anything” (or at least, “I can do most anything”) your default statement, and then choosing what you will do without limitation.

Bottom-line:  while you may have a preferred set of strengths, skills and aptitudes that you like to use, while you may have passions that light you up more than others, having these doesn’t necessarily preclude you from BEING ABLE to do other things.  You may not choose to do other things — and you’re still capable of them.  Anyone is capbable of anything under the right circumstances.  Know your limits, and don’t let them limit you.  Instead, get comfortable with your full range of potential, and live into that.

What Are You Radiating?

Just had an interaction with two people who were clearly on opposite sides of the fence.  It was an interesting meeting; both individuals were walking on eggshells to a certain extent.   But what was really interesting was that there was a palpable energy radiating off of each person. Different energies, but both very palpable.  Which got me thinking.  What energy do I radiate?  And how palpable is it?

You see, palpability isn’t a bad thing I don’t think.  It’s about having something be “feel-able”.  Nothing wrong with that.  However the quality of the energy involved certainly influences whether the palpable energy is experienced as “good” or “bad”.  Is it palpable anger?  Sadness? Remorse?  Joy? Excitement?  Anticipation?  Whatever it is, when your energy is radiating to the degree that it’s palpable, it means that you’re having a huge impact — intended or not – on the space around you.

Now, all of my learning last year taught me that being responsible for — taking responsibility for– my impact is vital.  So when it comes to the whole “radiating” thing, I assert that it’s important to be aware – be conscious of the energy you’re radiating.  Because the people around you are feeling it, whether you’re aware of it or not.  And whatever they’re feeling, they’re responding to.  If you’re radiating angst, that’s what they’re feeling, that’s what they’re responding to.  And if you’re after a specific outcome, being aware of what you’re radiating can go a long way towards ensuring that your desired outcome becomes reality.

Bottom-line:  whatever you’re feeling radiates energetically off of you.  The stronger your feeling, the more palpable it becomes.  And the more palpable it is, the more important it is for you to be conscious and aware of it, so that you can ensure that your desired outcome isn’t being thwarted by an energy that doesn’t align.

Need a New Perspective?

Yesterday I wrote about how being on one side of the fence versus the other can really alter your perspective.  Still lovin’ the ideas that get conjured up from that understanding.  Today I feel compelled to write about finding new perspectives.  Because while new perspectives can be useful, you’ve got to know how to get them in order to be able to benefit.

In a nutshell, finding a new perspective is all about mixing things up.  When you’re feeling stuck, bored, unimaginative, or in any way “lack-lustre”, a new perspective – a new way to view things – is really helpful.  Here are a few ways to find one that serves:

-indulge in a pyjama day.  That’s right, get out of your everyday work clothes, and relax — if not in pj’s then in something different from your usual attire.  What you wear can definitely influence your thinking.

-find a new location or position.  If you always sit facing a wall, switch it up and face the window.  If you always work in your office, go work in the boardroom.  If the weather allows, work outdoors.  A change of scenery is sure to kickstart new ideas and insights.

-find a new group of people – or no people at all.  If you’re always surrounded by the same people, you’ll always have the same energy influencing your perspective.  So go visit another department, work in solitude, or migrate to a coffee shop.  New energies can really serve new perspectives.

-change your routine.  If you follow a set agenda everyday, mix it up a little.  Eat lunch earlier, start your day later, begin with a workout, incorporate some dreaming time.

-music.  As in “play some”.  And if music in the background is part of your environment, then play some different music.  It’s a well-known fact that different genres of music affect mental processes differently.  Generally listen to jazz? Try some classical Beethoven.  Big fan of rock?  Try a little bit of country.  Better yet, put in a kids cd and let yourself be a kid again.  A child’s perspective is a great thing!

Bottom-line:  a shift in perspective really does serve everyone well.  Try it.  See what happens.  And let me know.  I’d love to hear your thoughts.