How’s Your Serve?
Today I’m going to do something a little different in this blog post. I’m goign to begin by sharing a poem that I love; it’s called “The Fixer” and unfortunately, I don’t know the author. Here goes:
A fixer has the illusion of being causal.
A server knows he or she is being used in the service of something greater, essentially unknown.
We fix something specific.
We serve always the something: wholeness and the mystery of life.
Fixing and helping are the work of the ego.
Serving is the work of the soul.
When you help, you see life as weak.
When you fix, you see life as broken.
When you serve, you see life as whole.
Fixing and helping may cure.
Serving heals.
When I help, I feel satisfaction.
When I serve, I feel gratitude.
Fixing is a form of judgment.
Serving is a form of connection.
As I was eating breakfast this morning, I found this poem popping into my memory. Likely because I was standing in gratitude and joy about the work that I’m able to do, which I believe is a form of service. And it got me thinking about the subtle difference between helping and serving as so eloquently described in this poem.
You see, it can be really easy to fall prey to the ego, especially when the work you do is a part of the “helping professions”. I mean, who doesn’t like to feel good, valued, or like they’ve got a solution that nobody else has? And yet, even as I ask the question I know I can hear — and I’m sure you can too — a very self-serving quality (aka “ego-based”). Which really, if you think about it, defeats the purpose of helping anyway, doesn’t it? When you stand in service, however, the attention is taken off of you and turned outward. And when your attention is turned outward, the work that happens is the work that’s needed in the world, rather than the work that the ego needs to maintain it’s sense of worth.
Here’s another bonus that arises when you let go of the supposed need to help and step into the place of service: you can let go of a certain quality of responsibility. Notice that I’m talking about a quality of responsibility, not responsibility as a whole. In serving, you still hold responsibility for your actions; however, you don’t have to have information or know-how unbeknownst to others. Serving isn’t about you in any way, shape or form. Serving is about connecting with humanity as a whole, from the place of awareness and gratitude, knowing that connection and gratitude together fill the world with whatever’s needed in the moment. I’m not sure I can explain it much beyond that. All I know is that, ever since I read this poem years ago, I’ve approached my work from the place of service more often than not, and felt a sense of liberation and humbling that simply doesn’t arise when I’m “helping” my clients. Which leads me to ask you: how’s your serve? Or perhaps more importantly, how will you serve? Trust me; figure this out and your life will feel richer, fuller, and more complete. Here’s to living a life of service!
Excellent mind material Gail! Thank you.
I assist; it’s what I do. If you’ve noticed any of my profiles online, it’s in there. So this left me wondering where that fits within the scale of fixing, helping, and serving. Assisting to me is in a companion sort of way, a passenger sort of way, contributing a part to a greater picture. Sometimes my touchpoint is very minimal in passing along information or connecting people; like facilitation. I guess part of assisting indicates a lack of something; a little nudge or encouragement sometimes. Other times quite simply an extra pair of hands or some brain time; no hard core skill just willingness to syngergize.
Either way, I assist in small ways to serve the greatness of us all!
Nimbly,
Jennifer
Love where you’re pointing Jennifer! The difference between serving and helping/assisting/fixing really can be quite subtle. For me, it’s all about energetics. When you assist others, is it with an energy of holding them as somehow “less than”, or “in need of fixing” — or are you holding them as fully capable and simply allowing you to serve? Sounds like your approach, whether conscious or not, leans more toward the latter. So kudos! Serving the greatness of us all is always a fabulous objective in my humble opinion
Gail,
I do like this post, for the obvious reasons behind it. Also because it stirred up some thoughts of my own regarding serving, helping & fixing. That is, I currently feel that helping to fix something for someone with no expectations or conditions attached (visible or hidden) can be an act of service. As you commented back to my good friend Jen, the person on the receiving end can be fully capable as a human being. Perhaps they just don’t know what you know or can fix.
That said, I used the words “I currently feel” judiciously because I’m open to other opinions on the topic! Sway me…
Thanks for sharing the poem Gail.
As a CTI trained Life Coach I was “brought up” to believe that people are Naturally Creative, Resourceful and Whole. I remember the first time I heard that phrase and thinking…”what kind of crap is that?”.
I was coming at it from an engineer’s perspective. As a professional engineer (my other passion) I am “designed” to solve problems. I was blind. All I could “see” / was looking for were problems to fix. I believed “fixing” = feeling important.
People know what they want and need and as a life coach I provide a key ingredient – accountability. The service I provide is one of keeping people true to themselves and what they want. Sometimes that means providing a gentle nudge and other times it is a heart-filled swift kick in the arse. I hope my friend Forrest is paying close attention!
By serving people I am rewarded with an authentic sense of happiness, fulfillment and completeness.
Your poem reminded me of the epiphenomenon that I experienced through my life coach training. For that I thank you.
One more share. Kicking butt (metaphorically speaking) from the perspective of “provider or service” is a lot more rewarding (and fun) than from a place of “problem solving engineer”.
I hate fixing problems. I love providing service.
More to come…
Rob
Rob and Forrest – thanks so much for keeping the dialogue going on this topic! It’s one that I love and revisit myself (in my personal, daily interactions) regularly.
For me, the difference between helping/fixing and serving is one of energetics. I think I said this earlier, but it bears repeating
Serving and helping/fixing can look the same. You may choose the exact same action when you serve as when you help. The difference will be in your intention. Are you helping because you think you know better and the person being helped is incapable? Or are you helping out of a sense of having a solution that the other may also have, or be able to have, but you’re offering it up first? In short, helping often (not always) has an air of ego about it. Helping has one feel better than, more knowledgeable, more skilled, etc;. When you serve, you lose that sense of ego; you may have unique knowledge, you may not and either way, your act of service is about the person being served, not about you as server.
You’ll notice that one of my most recent posts is about the importance of being able to ask for help. Obviously, when someone asks for help, there will be someone who steps up to respond to that request. And, their “help”, if it’s given with an energy of service will be better received than simply “helping”. In the end, it’s the difference between “let me do that, because I know better” and “I’m happy to help because it lightens the load all around.”
Finally Rob, I agree: coming from the perspective of “service” is definitely a lot more rewarding — and less burdensome — than the place of having to solve another’s problems. Talk about taking a load off!
Create a great, service-filled day!
Gail