Derailed or Inspired: What’s Your Response to Failure?

Failure.  Whether it’s of grand proportions or small-scale, failure happens to all of us at some time or another.  And generally speaking, failure is not the outcome we’re aiming for whenever we engage in a venture, whatever it may be.  Whether we’re aiming for it or not, however, failure is generally part of the game.  Many of the most sucessful people on the planet will tell you that in order to achieve their successes, they had to travel a path marked with numerous failures.  The key to their success — as well as to yours — lies in their response to those failures.  Which leads me to get really curious:  how do I respond to failure?  And how do you?

For many people, failure is the impetus for becoming derailed.  I’m sure you’ve had at least one time where you’ve allowed this to be your response.  You work really hard for some particular aim, it turns out to elude you, and you give up on the venture altogether.  Not uncommon — and certainly not something I’m wanting to judge you for.  What I do want to do, however, is invite you to ask yourself, how might you allow that same failure to inspire you rather than derail you?  Even if it doesn’t inspire you immediately, what if you could take time to be derailed, and then move into the place of being inspired?  What would be possible then?

I’m willing to bet that the aforementioned “succesful people” all have felt derailed at one point or another.  I assert that what moved them forward to eventual success is the fact that theymoved from derailed to inspired at some point.  They took a look at “what went wrong” and tried to find what could “go right”.  Here’s what I want you to consider:  failure is not something to be ashamed of, or even something to avoid.  There is huge opportunity in failure, if you’re willing to find it.  Within that opportunity lies inspiration to keep moving forward.  And that inspiration, when you allow yourself to see it, is what will move you to your eventual success.

Stop Making Yourself Alone

I know, 2 blog posts in one day — what’s up with that?  But I’m feeling moved to write, and I’ve learned to honour the gentle nudges of the universe.  And the nudge right now is to share with you a learning from last year: nobody is ever alone.  Let me explain.

There have been many times in my life when I have felt alone.  Indeed, there have been some times when I have felt more than simply alone, I have felt completely isolated.  In recent years this is something of an occupational hazard — I work from home, self-employed — you get the picture.  But even outside of work stuff, there are moments where I feel — indeed when I tell myself — that I am in this game of life on my own, that there’s nobody in the game with me, or at least nobody in my playing zone.  Can you relate?  I’m guesing that you can.  And what I learned last year is that, the whole “I’m alone” thing is a crock — it really is.

You see, we live in a world of millions — actually billions — of people.  Therefore, unless you’re living as a hermit in the midst of the desert or the rainforest (and I will concede that this is possible), you are likely within a few minutes reach of somebody’s physical presence, if not their energetic presence (e.g., phone, internet, etc;).  Which means that you can always reach out to somebody, somewhere.  This is an important thing for you to know.  Because when times get tough or things get overwhelming, there seems to be this fairly human tendency to pull inward and withdraw, which leads to a sense of isolation — and oftentimes, being alone in these cases doesn’t serve well.  The irony of this human tendency is that it’s counter-productive.  In moments of overwhelm or difficulty, what’s often needed is the strength and company of others.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that “alone-time” is a bad thing.  Indeed there are plenty of times when a few moments of solitude can serve you really well.  It can be a chance to sort things out, regroup, get grounded.  But there does come a point where you absolutely must reach out and find the human connection that can support you in getting through whatever’s going on.  Instead of making yourself alone, it’s time to make yourself connected.

Now, I know there are some of you saying but I AM alone — people around me are too busy, my coworkers have their own things to deal with, my family doesn’t understand (besides they live too far away) and on and on.  And here’s what I want to offer you, at the risk of sounding uber-philosophical:  even when the human beings in your life seem to vanish from your presence, the universe (use whatever religious term fits for you here — God, Jesus, Spirit, Allah) is right beside you.  That’s right, the universe has got your back; erego YOU ARE NEVER ALONE, no matter what is going on for you.  For me personally, the moment when I realized this, was absolutely liberating and life-altering.  I still have moments where old patterns kick in and I try to convince myself that I’m in this on my own.  And then I remember that I’m not.  Andt he beauty is that when I remember this — when I get that at the very least the universe is in my corner (which seems a pretty big deal, actually) — then I am able to find the strength, courage and wisdom to reach out and connect with whoever is available.  Then, I’m not alone.  And that’s a good thing.  So I invite you to share in the experience of connection — stop making yourself alone.

How’s Your Serve?

Today I’m going to do something a little different in this blog post.  I’m goign to begin by sharing a poem that I love; it’s called “The Fixer” and unfortunately, I don’t know the author.  Here goes:

A fixer has the illusion of being causal.

A server knows he or she is being used in the service of something greater, essentially unknown.

We fix something specific.

We serve always the something: wholeness and the mystery of life.

Fixing and helping are the work of the ego.

Serving is the work of the soul.

When you help, you see life as weak.

When you fix, you see life as broken.

When you serve, you see life as whole.

Fixing and helping may cure.

Serving heals.

When I help, I feel satisfaction.

When I serve, I feel gratitude.

Fixing is a form of judgment.

Serving is a form of connection.

As I was eating breakfast this morning, I found this poem popping into my memory.  Likely because I was standing in gratitude and joy about the work that I’m able to do, which I believe is a form of service.  And it got me thinking about the subtle difference between helping and serving as so eloquently described in this poem.

You see, it can be really easy to fall prey to the ego, especially when the work you do is a part of the “helping professions”.  I mean, who doesn’t like to feel good, valued, or like they’ve got a solution that nobody else has?  And yet, even as I ask the question I know I can hear — and I’m sure you can too — a very self-serving quality (aka “ego-based”). Which really, if you think about it, defeats the purpose of helping anyway, doesn’t it?  When you stand in service, however, the attention is taken off of you and turned outward.  And when your attention is turned outward, the work that happens is the work that’s needed in the world, rather than the work that the ego needs to maintain it’s sense of worth.

Here’s another bonus that arises when you let go of the supposed need to help and step into the place of service:  you can let go of a certain quality of responsibility.  Notice that I’m talking about a quality of responsibility, not responsibility as a whole.  In serving, you still hold responsibility for your actions; however, you don’t have to have information or know-how unbeknownst to others.  Serving isn’t about you in any way, shape or form.  Serving is about connecting with humanity as a whole, from the place of awareness and gratitude, knowing that connection and gratitude together fill the world with whatever’s needed in the moment.  I’m not sure I can explain it much beyond that.  All I know is that, ever since I read this poem years ago, I’ve approached my work from the place of service more often than not, and felt a sense of liberation and humbling that simply doesn’t arise when I’m “helping” my clients.  Which leads me to ask you:  how’s your serve?  Or perhaps more importantly, how will you serve?  Trust me; figure this out and your life will feel richer, fuller, and more complete.  Here’s to living a life of service!

What’s Keeping You Up at Night?

Just came across this question in a friend’s email this morning, and thought it was very apt for me and my circumstance currently.  You see, I haven’t really “slept” for about 2 weeks now.  I mean, yes, I’m sleeping — but not in a restful, rejuvenating way.  Every morning I wake up and just want to go back to sleep.  And I’m not really sure why.  There are numerous theories floating around out there thanks to well-intentioned friends and family members: I’m worried about something, I’m too busy, I’m not taking care of myself, yadayadayada.  And there seems to be a modicum of truth in every theory.  I AM pretty busy at the moment; there are a number of things occuping my thoughts (although I wouldn’t say I’m “worried” per se); the preoccupation has me taking less care of my physical health than usual.  But here’s what I’ve come to realize: what’s keeping me up at night actually doesn’t matter.  Huh?  That’s right, it doesn’t matter, and here’s why.

Exploring what is on your mind or going on in your body to prevent you from getting the rest you need does merit some of your time.  But not to the degree that it keeps you on the treadmill of “not sleeping.”.  You see, I could think this thing through and work myself into such a frenzy that I get even less sleep.  Trust me, this would NOT be a good thing!  Or I can just acknowledge that my current sleep pattern is less than ideal and stay on the lookout for signs of how to rectify the situation.  This isa classic scenario in which “holding a question” rather than working to answer that same question, can serve well.  In this case, the question is “what’s keeping me up at night?”.  If I just hold that question, and allow the answer to surface, I’m more likely to find a solution to whatever the issue is than if I try to force the answer.

Bottom-line: trying to force an answer to reveal itself — especially when you’re sleep-deprived — will not be of much benefit, to you or those around you.  Instead, allowing the answer to emerge organically is the route to take.  It boils down to trust and faith.  It’s time to trust that what’s keeping you up isn’t something to worry about, it’s just something that is — and will pass in due course.  Until then, a mug of warm milk, or a cup of chamomile tea will serve you well.

Taking Time Out

One of the things that is so engrained in our heads is to “keep your eye on the prize and keep moving towards it.”  Overall, I take no exception to this philosophy; indeed keeping your sights on what you’re aiming towards can keep you moving forward when nothing else can.  That being said, there is something to be said for taking a time out every so often.  Why?  Because the goal that you’re heading towards can shift and morph as time goes on.  Let me explain.

At the time that you set a goal, it may seem crystally clear to you.  You may very well have a solid sense of what you’re heading toward, what it looks like, what it will feel like when achieved and how your life will be different.  So you dive into the water, so to speak, and start swimming for the coveted goal.  If you don’t periodically come up for air, however, you may inadvertently go off course, or your goal itself may shift a few feet one way or the other unbeknownst to you.  And because you’re still swimming for what you believe is the goal, you’ll end up losing it altogether.  So, time outs — or “goal check-ins” — are actually a pivotal piece of the goal-achievement game.  It’s the only way to be sure that what you’re heading towards still exists, still looks the way you want it to, and still fits with your life’s plan.

Sometimes, these time outs can be taken voluntarily.  Indeed, this is probably the most desireable way to check in.  At other times, however, it’s as though life itself wants you to take a break and re-evaluate.  An unforseen obstacle arises, a glitch in the plan takes place — hwatever it may be, while it seems irritating in the moment, it’s actually a golden opportunity for you to take a “time out” and check in on the goal itself.  Then you can recalibrate and adjust your path as needed, and set off again.

Bottom-line:  the act of taking a time out, especially when you’re heading toward a goal of any sort is a vital part of the process.  When you yourself haven’t checked in in a while, the universe may well throw a curve ball your way, just to get you to do so.  Either way, taking the time to reevaluate will serve you well, and make the achievement of your goal, whatever it may be, that much sweeter.  So stop , time out, and then move onward and upward.

Book Review

So, I’ve got the idea to do a weekly book review in this blog; what do you think?  Thought I’d start today with one of my favourites, “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz.  It’s a book that I had to read for a leadership course I took, and needless to say, it changed my life – profoundly.  Why?  Well, where to start.

First, the book is written with an utter simplicity which makes it easy to digest.  (The exception to this, in my opinion, is the first section– it was a little murky for me, but once I got through that it was crystally clear). The simplicity of the book is evidence in its size and length — a small book, and a reasonably short one.  Really, if you’re an avid reader you could finish this work in an hour or two — and if you’re not an avid reader, it still wouldn’t take you more than a week.  And I gotta admit, I like short and sweet.

Ruiz takes the simplicity factor to another level by suggesting that when you live according to these four basic agreements — that’s right, there’s only FOUR — the whole process of living life becomes a thing of ease.  My expreience corroborates this in great measure.  And the agreements themselves are simple in nature: Be impeccable with your word; Don’t make assumptions; Don’t take things personally; Always do your best.  Using these four agreements as the basic template upon which your life is built really does simplify every human interaction you might have.

Bottom-line: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is a book to treasure and incoporate into your everyday life experience.  If  you do so, your life’s relationships are sure to be enhanced in every way.

It All Serves

There are some experiences I would rather do without.  Seriously.  Need examples?  Well, I’m not a big fan of feeling “under the gun”, no matter what the cause; I could do without pain in my world; and really, sleepless nights can go the way of the dodo bird in my opinion – I’d rather have some good, solid sleep each and every night, thank you very much.  And yet, even as I hold these thoughts in this moment, I am fully aware that I am speaking somewhat tongue-in-cheek; after all, I do know that it all serves.  Even the stuff I’d rather not have.

I’m certain that if you look back in your life at seemingly painful experiences — or even the not-necessarily-painful-but-still-uncomfortable ones — you’ll fully acknowledge some learning, some insight, some gift that came out of it, even though you couldn’t see it at the time.  I feel compelled to draw a childbirth comparision.  Any woman who’s given birth knows that there are times during that 10 month gestation and seemingly endless labouring process where you just want it to be over already, and you wonder what on earth could make this “worthwhile.”  And then, when it’s all said and done, it happens: you realize that you’ve been given a gift.  And while you don’t necessarily forget the pain and agony that preceded the receipt of that gift, the nature of the gift itself far outweighs the pain and suffering — and you realize that the actual experience served a purpose (although you might not choose to undergo it again).

The nice thing about childbirth (and similar experiences) is that you do have an inkling of what the outcome will be — so you can “keep your eye on the prize” so-to-speak.  But what about when you’re in the throes of some painful experience and you have no idea of the potential outcome?  Or, what if you’re brain starts inventing all sorts of potential outcomes, none of which seem all that “pain-worthy?”  What then?  Well, here’s what I know for sure.

Your brain loves to play the “what-if yuck” game — that game where every scenario can  only end in yuck.  I don’t know why the brain does this, it just does.  And you can entertain it, or you can just be aware of the yuck and be aware that it’s as made-up as a pot-of-gold.  Either could happen, and, believe it or not, either will serve.  What won’t serve is you getting caught up in trying to figure it all out.  The true gift in the human experience is allowing yourself to experience it, knowing that it all will pass.  And in those moments when you can’t use the goal to support you in moving through the pain, you can use your knowledge that there will be some gift when all is said and done.  It may take time before you see it or realize it — and it’s there nonetheless.

Bottom-line:  embrace the idea that “it all serves.”.  Use this as your mantra, and you can get through most anything.  “It all serves”, whether you can see it or not.  This much I know for sure.

Teach Your Children…

One of the things I love doing is listening to my children set goals, intentions and objectives.  It’s a lot of fun to hear what’s important from the perspective of a 6 or 9 year old!  It was almost 4 years ago now, when my son was starting grade 1, that I started teaching him and my daughter how to decide – before they walk out the door in the morning – what kind of a day they were striving for.   And what they wanted to accomplish within that frame.

Now, after much practice, these intentions often sound something like,”Today, I want to have a confident day and do well in music.”  And what I love about these intentions is the simplicity of them.  Simplicity wrapped around a powerful intention.  That’s what it is.  Because to have a “confident day” requires you to make certain choices.  It means choosing a certain demeanor, a specific course of action.  And the same is true regadless of what adjective you choose to describe the day you’re striving to create.

Inviting my children to clarify their goals and objectives provides us as a family with a rich opportunity to learn about what it takes to create the day/life you want for yourself.  When my daughter claims that she’s striving for a “happy” day, and then comes home having had anything but happy experiences, the situation is ripe with opportunity for us to explore the choices made, what could have been done differently, and what learning arose.  It’s a lesson in standing in true creative potential.

As I look around at the world today it occurs to me that many people are only just realizing their personal creative power having reached adulthood.  I believe that there is much to be gained by teaching children the power of conscious choice — along with the power of play and the 3 r’s — from a very young age.  Imagine having it be second nature – a habit – to create the day you want, more often than not.  Bottom-line:  it’s never too late — or too early — to start exercising the muscle of  conscious choice.  In fact, the earlier you start strengthening it, the more your realm of possibility will expand.  Doesn’t that sound awesome?

Standing on the Brink

“The brink of what?” you might ask.  To which I say, “the brink of success”.  I’m feeling called to write about this today, as I feel myself feeling on the brink another level of success.  It’s the nature of life:  we tend to move from success to success (or if the word “success” feels too strong for you, then use “event” — that’s broad and general enough I should think).  The inherent challenge in this movement is that, as we get closer to our goal, there can be a weariness of sorts that sets in, even as you feel a simultaneous adrenaline rush that arises out of the awareness of how close you are.  Do you know what I’m talking about?  Let me give you a concrete example:

You’re running a race.  A long race.  You’re nearing the finish line.  You can see it — it’s totally within your grasp, and you’re tired as hell.  Every fibre of your being wants you to stop – but there’s a louder something within you that pushes you to put on a last burst of energy and surge forward.  Sometimes you win, sometimes you don’t, but you do cross that line.  And you gain a sense of accomplishment as a result.  But what would happen if you gave in to the voice of fatigue?  You wouldn’t reach your goal, and you’d miss it by a mere number of feet.  So close, and yet so far.

For so many people, this sense of being so close and yet so far is the norm.  The closer you get to your goal, the louder the voices of fear, doubt, fatigue, etc; become.  The question for you to hold is, will you reach down deep and access the voice of encouragement, of inner wisdom, of championing to pull you (or push you) over the brink?  Because the brink is really that point of no return – the imaginary line which, if you can just reach it and step over it, separates you from the life you know, and the life you’re creating.  When you’re standing on the brink, you absolutely could turn back.  And, unless  you step over, the next level of success will elude you.

It’s Never Too Late

One of the things I love to do – particularly when I’m feeling somewhat “stuck” or in need of inspiration, is to check out YouTube videos.  Have you ever done it?  There’s a whole myriad of inspiration to be found, especially on the Britain’s Got Talent show.  The latest one I just watched this morning, and it shows 47 year old Susan Boyle claiming her dream for herself.  It’s amazing to watch.

Here’s this woman – a rather common-looking, middle-aged woman – going after her dream with a relative confidence and cheekiness.  At the beginning, you can see that the judges and audience are less than impressed.  Skeptical would be the best word in my opinion.  And despite this, Susan Boyle clearly states what she’s going for, without hesitation, and then “wham!” – she blows the whole audience away!

As I watched – and I know I’ll watch it again – I was struck by her sassiness, her confidence, her self-belief, her determination.  It would have been really easy (I think) for her to say things like, “I’m too old”, “I missed my chance”, “It’s just a dream”, etc;.  But for some reason she didn’t.  And the result speaks for itself.

I have no idea how this woman’s dream will turn out from here.  I guess I’ll keep an eye out and see.  What I do know is this:  thanks to Susan Boyle, I will hold on to the idea that it really is never too late.  I can pursue my dreams for as long as I want and am willing.  Combine this with my unshakeable belief that the universe wants me to experience success on my terms as much as I do, and dreams are bound to come true.  I’ll just keep moving forward.