The Concept IS Grasped, but…

You know, the other night I was channe-surfing and happened to stop for a moment on The Princess Diaries 2, a movie I’ve never seen, but frankly I like Julie Andrews and Anne Hathaway, and I do enjoy a good princess movie (one of the occupational hazards of having a young daughter!).  Although I didn’t watch the whole movie, or even most of it, the scene that I did watch had this fabulous interaction between Julie Andrews (the grandmother) and her grandaughter.  Grandmother was asking, “When will you grasp this concept?” and the grandaughter’s response was “the concept IS grasped, the execution is a little elusive.”  I gotta admit, my heart totally resonated with that sentiment.

At the risk of tooting my own horn, I consider myself to be reasonably bright.  I get concepts with relative ease.  And, the execution or implementation of these concepts proves a little challenging at times.  What I’ve learned over the years is that it’s really important for me to give myself permission to try, fail, and try again (and again, and again, as the case might be).  It really is one thing to intellectually understand something.  It’s a whole other ballgame to put that same thing into action and practice.

Why am I writing about this?  Because I sometimes feel myself get frustrated that I seem to relive the same pattern over, and over, and over again.  I hear my internal voice ask, “Have I not learned this lesson yet??”  And a quieter voice answers, “yes, it’s learned — just not yet implemented with any sort of polish — so keep at it — it’ll come.”  That’s what I gotta remember.  And I would invite you to join me in this practicing playground.  Come have fun.  The execution of anything will become easier as we practice.

Getting Used to a Lifetime of Mistakes (and learning from them)

You know, it’s funny (as in stupidly ironic, not hilarious); once again, I’ve made what feels like a huge blunder.  I moved blindly ahead, made plans without consulting my calendar, and now have myself double-booked — and neither booking feels cancel-able.   I know that in theory, I “should” be able to cancel one — certainly I should be able to cancel the most-recently booked, in light of the fact that I did have previous plans.  The catch, however, is that the most-recently booked involved a fair bit of non-refundable expense.  To which I can only growl in frustration, then take a step back and ask, “so what’s the lesson here?”  Because I always know that there is one.   And in this case, there are several.

The first is this:  always, always, always pay attention to your inner voice.  And I mean, more attention than just a fleeting acknowledgement.  You see, I’m always (more or less) aware of my inner voice.  I just don’t always pause long enough to really hear what’s being said.  So, it’s important for me to slow down, here the words, and then check them out for accuracy.  Point taken.

The second lesson:  accept that mistakes will be made, no matter how old you are, no matter how much learnin’ you’ve done — there’s more to be had.  Accept the mistakes, and vow to accept the lesson as well.  Really let the lesson soak in.  And my lesson (or one of them) is exactly what I’ve just said — I will make mistakes, it’s okay, and it’s not the end of the world.  The solution may take a bit of thought, a bit of meditation, a bit of help from others, or even a serving of humble pie (not tasty, but mildly palatable).  This lesson — the whole “it’s okay to make mistakes” thing — is a big one for me.  I can totally believe it for other people.  And I sometimes have a hard time accepting it for me.  So, of course, I keep making mistakes.  I believe it’s the universe’s way of trying to drill this idea into my thick skull.  All right already, I’m gettin’ it, I’m gettin’ it.  And since I’m gettin’ it, I thought I’d share it with you.   Hopefully, you’ll get your head around the idea quicker than it’s taken me .

What’s Your Body Saying?

So, over the past week I’ve had opportunity at various times to notice that my body is trying to tell me something.  Sometimes the message is clear:  “Nope, that’s way too much weight to life!”  Other times, the message seems more ambiguous.  Why the heck is my back hurting right now?  I’m not in an egonomically-incorrect chair (I don’t think).  My posture seems good.  Is it tension?  Stress?  Concern?  As i write those words something seems to resonate.  Not that I’m clear on what concern I’m holding at the moment.  And maybe I don’t need to be clear.  Maybe it’s sufficient to know that I’m concerned about something.

Here’s what I do know.  Knowing that I’m concerned/stressed/worried allows me to release the tension – even when I don’t know what’s causing it.  I just draw my awareness to the physical symptom, breathe into it and release.  The only prerequisite to the success of this is for me to pay attention to my body.  Something that I’m getting better at.  So, what’s your body telling you?  And how skilled are you at paying attention?  Something to think about…

Excuse Me, Who Made You What?

Who’s Making You What?

So, now we’re into the third part of this “new year, new story” series.  So far we’ve talked about using the phrase “the end” as a tool to stop the repetitious old story that tends to cycle through your brain when you’re going through life unconscious of your thoughts; I trust that you’ve been having some fun with this phrase and kicking old paradigms to the curb.  Last month, we talked about the importance of being strategic in your use of the word “should” – more specifically, using it as minimally as possible, thereby ensuring that you rid yourself of any unnecessary burden.  So what’s on the agenda for this month?  Personal responsibility, that’s what.

I want to begin by giving you an exercise.  You can either do the exercise first and then come back and read the rest of this article, or you can keep reading and then do the exercise.  Either way will serve you, I promise — it’s just a personal preference thing, I guess.  Here’s the deal:  give yourself a good chunk of time – at least an hour, preferably 2-3, and if you can keep this idea in the back of your brain for even longer than that, even better.  For whatever length of time you choose, notice the number of times you speak or think some version of “_______ made me _______”.  I think you’ll be surprised to find phrases of this sort relatively common in everyday conversation.  “My child made me so angry”. “Those tv commercials make me really sad”.  “Cartoons make me laugh”.  In and of themselves these statements (or at least statements like these) seem harmless enough, and indeed may even feel accurate.  Notice that I say they FEEL accurate.  And the reason I use the word “feel” in this context is because I want to draw the distinction between the feeling of something and the veracity of it.  What the heck does that mean?  Simply this:  just because something feels true, doesn’t mean that it absolutely is true.  It may be; and it may not.  In other words, I want you to give your statements more conscious thought.

As a human being you actually have much more responsibility over what you feel and your corresponding responses than you generally give yourself credit for.  While you may be having difficulty believing me, trust me – it’s absolutely true.  It’s one of the reasons two different people can experience the exact same scenario and have different responses.  Feelings can certainly seem to come over you in an uncontrollable wave — I know, I feel them a lot!  That being said, you can use the power of your mind to determine if the feeling you’re experiencing in any moment is one you want to hold on to, or one you want to let go, and perhaps more importantly, how you’re going to express or channel that feeling, what action you’re going to take.

Before we go any further let me be clear that I am not in any way disputing the validity of your full range of emotions and reactions.  What I’m doing instead is pointing out to you that you have more power over your emotions and “reactions” than you’re likely giving yourself credit for.  And what’s wrong with that?  Well, yet again, refusal to recognize your own creative power sets you up to live by default – to be a marble in a supposed pinball game of life rather than a person who can more consciously choose how you respond to whatever stimulus you encounter.  So, what is it that I’m inviting you to do?  Quite simply – from a vocabulary-tweaking standpoint – ditch the words “make me” from any of the above statements or those like it.  Instead, choose vocabulary that is more active in nature.  It’s about taking ownership and responsibility.   For example, “I get angry when my child ignores me” versus “My child makes me angry when she ignores me”.   The former makes it clear that you are responsible and affords you as a person much more creative power – design influence as it were – over your life than you experience with the latter statement.  And that is an important ability if you are in fact going to recreate the story of your life.

Now let’s take this a step further, beyond the feeling aspect and into the action componenet.  Often-times, we link specific actions to particular feelings and emotions.  For example, when you’re angry you might yell, or you might cry when you’re sad, or you might be silent when you’re fearful.  Over time, these actions can become patterned — what you engage in by default — and statements such as “Carla made me yell”, or “whenever I’m with William, he makes me laugh” flow out of you without thought.  Here’s the deal folks:  the people and situations you’re referring to aren’t making you do a darn thing.  You really are choosing them, albeit by habit or default.  In an effort to change your story, then, it behooves you to become more aware of the patterns you’ve set up and be more deliberate.  Feeling angry?  Great!  How might you express it without yelling?  Going to spend time with the in-laws?  Awesome — how can you consciously choose the way in which you be with them, and have a different interaction?  I guess the best way to make my point is to say this:  just because something’s always been a certain way, doesn’t mean that there isn’t another way for it to be.  The question becomes, how willing are you to find another way?  And how willing are you to reclaim your creative ability and consciously choose your emotions and corresponding responses, regardless of the circumstances?  How willing are you to take responsibility for all aspects of your life, including feelings and corresponding actions?

Bottom-line:  nobody, no thing, no situation can “make you” feel, do or experience anything.  Your reaction to something is always YOUR REACTION — and it’s about you, its not about the circumstance.  Get your head around this, reclaim your own ability to live life consciously and the story of your life will in fact be written by you, and not by those around you.  It’s time for you to be responsible for your life, in every way, shape and form.

Time to Tweak Time (????)

So, was reminded today that it’s been a while since I posted a blog entry.  Thanks for the gentle nudge, Kimberly!

Yes, things have had me a little scattered lately.  Indeed, I’ve had a few wake-up calls to the fact that I’m definitely being pulled in several directions, and that my focus is hardly 100% here-and-now.  No worries — and it’s a good lesson in awareness for me.

One of the things we do in our household, before we each depart for whatever it is that the day holds for us, is set a goal/intention.  How do we want our day to be?  What do want to accomplish?  It can be big, little, in-between — but we all do it, even the kidlets.  It’s a great way to “point ourselves” so-to-speak.  And today, my intention is to “tweak time”, or more specifically how I interact with it, how I use it (or don’t), and how I dance with what shows up vs. what’s already on my “to-do” list.

I’m aware that part of what’s going on for me is a sense of wanting to do a LOT of things.  My podcast is just about ready to go live (March 18th is the scheduled launch); my co-author and I have just committed to launch in the writing of the 2nd book in our series (gulp! and yeah! all at once); my children have dance competitions and hockey tournaments; I’m aiming to run a marathon next year, which means starting to train now; every day I wake up with a new business project idea; and then there’s just the everyday workings of a professional woman in today’s society.  In other words, I’m juggling all the same stuff my clients juggle (which is good — it allows me to walk my talk).

And so, it’s time for me to revisit my “ideal week” — check out how I’m actually spending my time, and tweak what isn’t working.  Remembering that nothing is written in stone, it’s time for me to re-carve my schedule, play with new ways of playing, and have some fun.  In other words, it’s time to lighten up — unburden myself of some of the load and have some fun.  Join me on the ride?  It should be a fun one!